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The Exile
Member

since 2001-07-14

Posts 52
Ontario, Canada

0 posted 2001-07-14 09:49 PM

In the darkness I woke,
Feeling empty inside,
Drinking up the last coke,
Trying to leave the world outside.

Haunted by a silent horror,
I took a book from the shelf.
Looking into the mirror,
Am I no longer myself?

Walking, trying, fighting,
Couldn’t stop my heart from bleeding.
Running, falling, crying,
For failure there is no justification.

I asked myself:
Is there anything else for which I shall be living?
A voice echoed:
“But the coming twilight of salvation!”

Jeen
Member

since 2000-06-07

Posts 91

1 posted 2001-07-15 10:28 PM

Hi

I noticed you are a junior member like me, and although I am probably not as qualified as many others here, I will give it a shot.

I liked the feeling of this poem, how you went from fear and aloneness to salvation.

Keep writing.

Jeen

The Exile
Member

since 2001-07-14

Posts 52
Ontario, Canada

2 posted 2001-07-15 11:06 PM

Hi Jeen,

Thanks for commenting!

I was trying to paint that sense of fear and insecurity which i felt so deep down inside of me with my words, but the salvation line actually lifted the whole poem a little at the end- at least that's how i see it. Now it looks like "despairing" wasn't probably the best title for it... i should have named it "Waiting" or something. Will you agree?

- Alex

dramaqueen22086
Member

since 2001-05-05

Posts 50
Hadlyme, CT

3 posted 2001-07-16 03:23 PM

i thought it was really good, you are really good, at written, maybe you should think about pub. some of your stuff. b/c i know i would read it. kepp up the writeen ~!KELLIE!~

The Exile
Member

since 2001-07-14

Posts 52
Ontario, Canada

4 posted 2001-07-16 04:05 PM

Hi Kellie,

Thanks for the encouragement! I will be working harder on writing. As to the suggestion of pub: i haven't really thought about it yet cuz now i only have quite a precious few written as a greenhand,

as you might all already figured. But it's definately cool to know that there will be ppl who are willing to communicate through poems, and that in itself is good enough for me, i guess... Again, thanks!

- Alex

teenpoet
Member

since 2001-10-17

Posts 280
Michigan

5 posted 2003-04-24 11:12 AM

I really like that you seemed to lift the poem at the end by salvation, it kind of takes the poem out of the dark. Don't you think? And I really like it. Keep up the good work.

~Keep dreaming~

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