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Dark Poetry #3
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PoeticGoddessOfDepression
Member
since 2002-07-02
Posts 439
I am everywhere

0 posted 2002-11-06 08:01 PM



Every single word forgotten
Every touch you gave me
Every look
if any were exchanged at all.

Every time you loved me
Every time you swore
Every lie
if you even spoke at all.

After everything you've
put me through,
after each and every
puncture wound...

If I had to look at one person before I'd die
we both
--Well,
I know--
it would still
be you.


(hm... i dont know)

"I slipped away
farther from you,
trying to find what is real.
You're somebody else
that I never knew,
and someone that I cant feel."

© Copyright 2002 Sara Nicole - All Rights Reserved
majnu
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Senior Member
since 2002-10-13
Posts 1088
SF Bay Area
1 posted 2002-11-06 08:50 PM


the honest pain comes through well. however the diction is quite unimaginative and reflects the poem in general.

i dislike the centering.

regardless of any critique, the words were haunting in a way.

Skyfire
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381
Riding
2 posted 2002-11-12 11:40 PM


I'm not sure about this one. I like the ending, but I'm not sure about the rest of it. :/

I am a Knight who says Ni!

WhiteRose
Member Elite
since 2002-07-23
Posts 3208
somebody's dungeon
3 posted 2002-11-14 09:04 AM


It is very haunting, and very honest. A good write.
Jose Marti
Member
since 2000-07-01
Posts 374
washing DC
4 posted 2002-11-14 11:44 AM


wow,
this was very good
I know what it feels like to feel like that

wranx
Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn
5 posted 2002-11-14 01:57 PM


It's a good one Sara,
Keep goin' n' growin'

Ed

devinechild22
Senior Member
since 2002-08-28
Posts 571

6 posted 2002-11-26 08:25 PM


Sara, This was awesome! I think that you displayed all of your emotions wonderfully!I totally forgot that you post on "dark poetry" too and I remembered and wanted to look and..Ok thats enough!
              *Allison*

dinky
Member
since 2002-10-19
Posts 258

7 posted 2002-11-30 03:16 PM


hey,
you dont know all that i had to go through to post this reply, well actually i think you do, but anywayz
this was realllly good and i aint gonna ramble so....
good poem
  ~samantha~

"sometimes i just feel like
quittin i still might
why do i put up this fight?
why do i still write?"

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

8 posted 2002-12-18 12:30 PM


Ah, how nice to read you again.
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