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GG
Member Elite

since 2002-12-03

Posts 3532
Lost in thought

0 posted 2002-12-04 12:08 PM

You think; (I act) I’m doing well,
But you can’t see, what I can tell
'Cause every muscle I inch that way
Results in horror and pains array.

For you can’t see what pain I hold,
The grasping sorrow goes untold.
And then I silently can mourn,
And with my words I may adorn.

For then I hold my breath and wait
And then I try to concentrate.
And you can’t tell anything’s wrong
Oblivious, go on, sing your song.

For world, in pain, increases now,
And sorrow, hesitate and bow.
I know you can’t tell, though you try
But this time, see my teary eye.

-And so it was that time stood still-

D edgar Grey
Member

since 2002-08-21

Posts 174
Hell...(aka Wisconsin)

1 posted 2002-12-05 11:24 PM

I enjoyed this piece...I usually don't like rhyming pieces (oops! That'd explain why I don't like my own stuff!!!), but this piece was excellent worded. Very nice!

If homosexuality is a disease, let's all call in queer to work: "Hello. Can't work today, still queer." (If only...>; P)

inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-19

Posts 7392
Ohio

2 posted 2002-12-06 11:55 AM

this is cool........
i love rhyming when it makes sense,
did you ever see the movie "david and lisa"
talk about pain and rhyming...............

GG
Member Elite

since 2002-12-03

Posts 3532
Lost in thought

3 posted 2002-12-06 06:25 PM

hey thanks both of you.
I've got the physical pain, which is what I wrote this mainly about, and mental too.. whew and they say youth is the years when your healthy.
Anyway, alot of people don't like rhyming because it forces you to use words. I like rhyming because it makes me think harder for better words! ;-)

Always, GG

- And so it was that time stood still -

PoetOfDarkness2002
Junior Member

since 2002-12-06

Posts 41
Lost in my dissociative unrealistic world

4 posted 2002-12-06 08:40 PM

This poem caught my eye, its really good, you have a talent...

Keep writing, you write with such clarity...Keep shining!

Love Always,
Manda aka POD

Star T
Member

since 2002-07-12

Posts 182
Philadelphia, US

5 posted 2002-12-06 09:41 PM

"for world in pain increases now,
and sorrow,hesitate and bow"

those were nice lines.the poem is very good it is really true some people just dont see us when we are in pain...THEY JUST DONT SEEE.which even adds to the pain.

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