Dark Poetry #3 |
A Soul Left Bare |
Suetang Member Ascendant
since 2001-03-07
Posts 5187Melbourne, Australia |
In a hotel room I sit On a bed that remains unmade With crumpled money lying at the end of it Being payment for my trade The neon light outside the window With a steady hum, it drones These hotel rooms have now become What I call my second home No "homeliness" about them Just a cold and empty room No love could possibly live here Only rats among the gloom The men that come to use me They are drunk and couldn't care They've abused my once beautiful body My soul now remains cold and bare I don't know what the meaning of love is Those emotions I no longer feel Won't somebody take me away from this "life" Please tell me all of this isn't real My pimp, he sometimes abuses me He says "Make sure you treat the customers right" But who is going to take care of me As I cry throughout the night? A normal life is all I ask for Just the simple things I crave If I keep on travelling down this path I may end up in an early grave Suetang |
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© Copyright 2001 Sue Tancheff - All Rights Reserved | |||
Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
Room to sit, a place to rest A crumpled existence far from the best, Toil within the soil of tattered passion, Cold cash acceptance of what is done; A life you can learn to detest. Gloom rats with shiny red eyes, Watching a soul wither midst all the lies, They know what you’ve lowly become, Degradation that’s never done, And passion that only cries. Gloom |
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Zyell Member
since 2000-07-28
Posts 121USA |
to think there are those who do live this life....very well stated, the images, I could see and feel~! *S* Z |
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Suetang Member Ascendant
since 2001-03-07
Posts 5187Melbourne, Australia |
Professor Gloom I was amazed by what you wrote. Thank you so very much......Sue Zyell Thanks for taking the time to read this and I guess it just makes us think how lucky we really are. Take care.......Sue Suetang |
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Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
Yes indeedy we are lucky not to live or really know lives such as the one you described. Great work for I too felt her pain.. Isis *War produces one thing - Cemetaries. And in cemetaries there are no enemies!* |
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holatuwol Member
since 2001-04-27
Posts 72California, USA |
Ooh, that poem started out a little shaky and the rhymes kinda stuck out like a sore thumb at first... and my initial impression was a little bit of distance from the poem because initially, the flow was kind of ragged, and the rhymes were off-balance and somewhat weird, but then that all disappeared after the third stanza. Gosh, that poem had such amazing flow after the third stanza... it just drew me in and totally hypnotized me at that point. ^_^ We'll ignore the fact that poetry easily hypnotizes me... but in any case, the rhymes disappeared... you knew that they were there, but they didn't stand out at all, which made the flow absolutely incredible... *files this one away into the library* Gosh, this is a really pretty poem! ^^ hehehe! Write more! Write more! Wow... I like this poem. ^_~ Really enjoyed reading it, in case you didn't figure it out. Really impressive shtuff. - holatuwol |
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Suetang Member Ascendant
since 2001-03-07
Posts 5187Melbourne, Australia |
holatuwol Thanks for the advice and sorry about the shakiness of the rhyming but that's just how I write. I don't have a particular formula but I love what I do, especially if it gets through to others. Thanks for taking the time to read. Take care........Sue Suetang |
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