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sgreybe
Member

since 2000-04-28

Posts 209
London, UK

0 posted 2001-04-30 04:36 AM

ALONE:

You and I were a work of art
A creative gift from the Creator’s heart
In my eyes I saw you whole
The kind, loving completer of my soul

Placed upon the pedestal high
Our love for each other destined to die
Never did I think the fiery flame
As all the rest would go out the same

An ancient curse from an ancient crime
The revelation of a heart in time
Causing shifts in the sands of life
One by one the moments go by

Alone I wait the tears run dry
With no-one here to wipe my eye
Alone I think it’s always the same
Forever, alone, I’ll remain

Severn
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-17

Posts 7704

1 posted 2001-04-30 06:29 AM

Oh. this is so sad...you have some nice imagery here...I like how you have shifted away from saying 'sands of time' yet still link it to the word time in the line above..

K

All obscurity starts with a danger:
Your dangers are many. I
Cannot look much but your form suffers
Some strange injury
Sylvia Plath

dragonpoe
Senior Member

since 2000-11-12

Posts 608
Palm Bay, Florida

2 posted 2001-04-30 03:42 PM

Enjoyed the read. I feel that each stanza became more powerful, giving it a deep and desperate kind of sadness. Very good.

With the word, I am mighty, with the pen I am free..
dragonpoe

Blaec
Member

since 2001-04-23

Posts 130
The Sunshine State

3 posted 2001-04-30 08:12 PM

This poem touched something inside of
me. The sadness of this is beautiful.
Did that make any since?

Suetang
Member Ascendant

since 2001-03-07

Posts 5187
Melbourne, Australia

4 posted 2001-04-30 10:39 PM

I thought that this was so very sad but so beautifully written. Thank you......Sue

Suetang

Tiersdin
Member Elite

since 2000-11-17

Posts 2364
east coast

5 posted 2001-05-02 08:22 AM

Beautiful!

~Tier

Ginners
Member

since 2000-07-22

Posts 339
Mullica Hill, New Jersey

6 posted 2001-05-03 08:51 AM

this was so sad and so beautiful i almost cried
great work!

"I'll build a wall if we can keep them on the other side"---NIN
"There is no always forever, just this"-the cure

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