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Dark Poetry #3
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porcelain chipped
| Dark Poetry #3 |
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porcelain chipped |
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amyX Junior Member
since 2001-04-02
Posts 32 |
Heaven and Earth just the distance hidden in miracles but where is this star shining from a memory of her worth? Less forgetful she reads her prayers outloud in front of the mirror wondering what purity seems like in reflection Not so white Not so porcelain chipped in perfect folded hands the forgiving nature presumes to pass her in assumption forgive the natural hope placed up on that pedestal and let her fall down let her fall down to grace bruised but still ascending Victims, aren't we all? |
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| © Copyright 2001 amyX - All Rights Reserved | |||
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coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
"let her fall down to grace bruised but still ascending" Nice words to end with...... Yet, I find this poem flows just as well from ending to beginning. I don't know if you intended it so, but it works either way. Another excellent work.  "I hate quotes, they suck!" |
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svandersaar Junior Member
since 2001-01-15
Posts 40 |
This is fantastic! Amy, the ways you've described your feelings are beautifully set... quietly alive, and descending; fluid. Not quite the transcendence of smoke (which belies nearly all limits), but a smooth pouring of water. I can't wait to see how your work matures. Stacey |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Amy this is wonderful...it really is. I just have a few comments critique wise here... Your writing has such a distinctive style that I think phrases such a 'star shining' could be more...shining is very much a cliche...perhaps an original word for it would be better? 'Less forgetful she reads her prayers outloud in front of the mirror wondering what purity seems like in reflection' This is an exceptional verse...(outloud needs to be out loud however)...the last two lines of it are quite ironic - and I like that touch.. 'let her fall down to grace bruised but still ascending' The image of falling down to grace yet still ascending is very clever and, I think, finishes off the poem remarkably. Well done!  KAll obscurity starts with a danger: |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
A very fine poem with lots of great lines-- my favourite of which is: Less forgetful she reads her prayers out loud in front of the mirror wondering what purity seems like in reflection you had a great follow up to it as well... -- i would have like to have seen how you would have expanded on the above,, but that is just me.. again- a well put together piece that was a joy to read.. thanks for posting it! Jamie-- There is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar. |
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