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Third Libra
Member

since 2003-08-10

Posts 125
South Carolina

0 posted 2003-09-04 05:41 PM

Cut the curtains and watch it bleed
So profusely and consistent
To wash over my naked body
And gain acceptance from the Evil father

Insane
Blaming you and everyone else
Dieing
Blaming you and everyone else
For stealing my soul

Treading over me in pity
Tragedy rides
Agony breathes
Further sinking into my brain
Seething the blade and every drop of blood
Covering its lies
Ending the world in angel’s cries and staining

I blame you and other strangers
For my insanity in death and cries
Blood refusing to stay in the vanes
For the answer you needed were found
Within the pain dripping from my vanes
Within my blasphemous lies

In Death
Insane

Love is only an excuse to hurt and to get hurt... Knowledge brings ye fear.

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

1 posted 2003-09-04 08:56 PM

the begining was strong, but the rest didn't really paint much of a picture. It was good though.

Third Libra
Member

since 2003-08-10

Posts 125
South Carolina

2 posted 2003-09-04 11:01 PM

Thank you for replying. I see what you're saying. I'm trying something different, ya know? Get a little more direct and somewhat simpler. Succesfully(?) Thanks again.

littlewing
Member Rara Avis

since 2003-03-02

Posts 9655
New York

3 posted 2003-09-04 11:26 PM

Michael, the wordplay was awesome here
vanes . . . windows
you got the punch, for sure
just needs to be tightened a bit
awesome job
xxoo

Third Libra
Member

since 2003-08-10

Posts 125
South Carolina

4 posted 2003-09-05 07:03 AM

Thank you, Wing. I look forward to your replies. So, what do you think needs to be tightened in this piece? Thanx.

cusick
Senior Member

since 2003-07-27

Posts 668

5 posted 2003-09-05 08:15 AM

Tradgedy rides. Agony breathes. No nits, thought it was sad but very descriptive. Maggie

mysticpoe
Senior Member

since 2003-02-28

Posts 883

6 posted 2003-09-05 10:53 AM

Liked the journey here. Very, very deep and dark. Seems like you had more than one direction that you were going in. A bit confusing at first, but I got the jest (wit) of your write. Enjoyed.

mysticpoe

If nothing is something
then everything is
our thoughts and feelings
and all that exists.

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