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Dark Poetry #3
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The Strokes
| Dark Poetry #3 |
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The Strokes |
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somethinginyoursocks Junior Member
since 2003-03-27
Posts 28IN, the U.S. of A. |
I wake up each day to the same, sad dream. A picture of a painting, but I can't hear the scream, 'though it echoes, echoes, echoes. I cannot swim, I cannot breathe But something inside dares me to see The strokes! The strokes! The strokes of life creating a picture never moving. Have you ever looked? Have you ever seen our Great Artist? This is another unfinished work. Just tell me your suggestions. 'Will post when the piece is finished. -I don't need a signature- |
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| © Copyright 2003 Mike Hentz - All Rights Reserved | |||
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Honestly: I think it is perfect if you change the word grouping around a bit and drop the last comments, also add a last line to make it flow: I wake up each day to the same, sad dream. A picture of a painting, but I can't hear the scream, 'though it echoes, echoes, echoes. I cannot swim, I cannot breathe But something inside dares me to see The strokes! The strokes! The strokes of life creating a picture never moving. (insert line here that flows with creating) Just my thoughts Good Luck nice start here xxoo |
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mysticpoe Senior Member
since 2003-02-28
Posts 883 |
I see a picture never moving as the corner or substance of your write. Dreams being the over-all vehicle. I like where you are going with the thought here. Nice beginnings. mysticpoe If nothing is something |
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eor Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959blues & greys |
good start to a poem, i would like to see the finished product... "There never was a genius without a tincture of madness." |
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Mad_Hatter Member
since 2003-06-29
Posts 393Canada |
^what he said. Very good start. |
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