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Dark Poetry #3
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blackhalo
Member
since 2000-02-15
Posts 467
Denver, CO

0 posted 2003-08-28 12:01 PM


On a scale of 1-10
How do you rate me?
I know I am not
Nearly fault-free.

Water damaged from tears
And stained crimson with blood,
Glue holds together
Cracks made with your love.

In porcelain figures,
I'm one from a mold,
And over the years,
My heart has turned cold.

Hand-painted by Satan--
The devil himself
Couldn't stand to see me;
Set me aside on a shelf.

Now as I sit here
Caked with dead dust,
I know you won't want me,
I'm too hard to trust.

So you pass me by
Like all of the others,
And I hide my new tears
Under the covers.

So much for shining
In hopes of your hand
Keeping me from slipping
Because I shatter when I land.

© Copyright 2003 Alicia R - All Rights Reserved
eor
Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959
blues & greys
1 posted 2003-08-28 12:11 PM


you are a 10 to me!!!!!  great write, very passoniate, loved it, truly! adding this

"There never was a genius without a tincture of madness."

eor
Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959
blues & greys
2 posted 2003-08-28 12:11 PM


oops, stupid me, forgot to add, lets try it one more time

"There never was a genius without a tincture of madness."

littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
3 posted 2003-08-29 01:03 AM


Alicia . . .

So much for shining
In hopes of your hand
Keeping me from slipping
Because I shatter when I land.

me too

this man is a fool then . . .
you are most definitely a 10
xxoo

click1
Member
since 2003-03-25
Posts 152
usa
4 posted 2003-08-30 06:23 PM


Well done ..I heard every word...

                            Thanks...!

Click

green_itchy_stuff
Senior Member
since 2003-06-26
Posts 1929
New Caney, Tx
5 posted 2003-08-31 03:12 AM


I liked this.  It had the "awkard" rhyme scheme, but it kind of went with the title.
Porcelain itself could represent a relationship.  Like it has problems and cracks and eventually breaks.  But the way you wrote it the read makes it feel sturdy with cracks.  I just enjoyed and thought Id point it out.  

Craig

a trickle of music from a well
let it spill and roar like hell!

{Lord knows Im a VOODOO CHILD}-JIMI

teenpoet
Member
since 2001-10-17
Posts 280
Michigan
6 posted 2003-09-04 10:11 AM


I liked this alot.  the guy's got problems if he won't catch you.  You're definitely an 11.

~Alicia~ (aka Blue~Phoenix aka teenpoet)

Lady Godiva
Junior Member
since 2003-09-03
Posts 35
at the bottom of your glass
7 posted 2003-09-04 05:50 PM



I know I don't know you but by far you are a 10! this was very achingly beautiful...hope all is well tho..

WinterWren
Senior Member
since 2002-12-01
Posts 1044
...Coming to
8 posted 2003-09-04 08:19 PM


This is an amazing piece of art! I can relate to it so well.
Not one word is out of place here.
Beautiful! And going in my library.

WinterWren
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

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