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Dark Poetry #3
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| Dark Poetry #3 |
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Revelations |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York 
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Tell me your fears and I'll tell you mine Hurry now we're running out of time The sky is becoming darker the air is growing thin Look up to the sun, my friend for my soul is full of sin Hurry now, my love and relate to me your dream The one you had last night the time I heard you scream In the darkness of your sleep through the deepest pits of Hell Can you see your sacred soul break free from it's shell? Now that I know your fears do you want to see it rain? Are you ready, my love? Can you take the pain? Can you travel to a place where no one has been before? To the dankness of this Earth right through to the core Sheild your eyes, my love for the light is blinding bright The fear that you may feel will set your soul aflight Fly away, fly high soar through my soul ablaze Raging, burning fire travel through my maze Tell me your fears you don't need to hear mine Just hold me close and I'll be fine Wipe away my tears and kiss me, Oh so sweet! I'll pack away my sins and bury them beneath my feet Hurry now, my love and tell me just one thing For the sky is becoming darker and love is what I bring Hold my hand and squeeze and pull me, oh, so close! For the Judgement Day is here to take this life I chose |
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| © Copyright 2003 Sue Eckam - All Rights Reserved | |||
Kaoru
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892where the wild flowers grow |
Proof that rhyming is no crime.. This is astounding work, it carries and flows flawlessly. |
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mysticpoe Senior Member
since 2003-02-28
Posts 883 |
Love this journey you put us on. Be back, need more time with this. Nice. mysticpoe If nothing is something |
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mysticpoe Senior Member
since 2003-02-28
Posts 883 |
OK lw, I read this a few more times and you have a winner here. Outstanding metaphors, the first and last stanza's mesh very nicely. The thoughts and how they are conveyed are excellent. Very good write here. I won't get into the grammer, because I really don't know much about that. Really. Enjoyed. mysticpoe If nothing is something |
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SharaRose Member Elite
since 2003-07-19
Posts 2501Somewhere out there~ |
Wow this rhymed. I have seen that rhyme isn't rec'd well, but I have always liked it and used, but it seems it's not rec'd well these days. Refreshing to see someone use it! Very nice...  I read this and it made me think to myself...I wonder how many millions of people echo these thoughts all the time. WOW! It's amazing when I think about how many millions of us out here probably feel that way or have felt that way...wow can we ever all relate to this at some time or another. So clearly said...Wow, definately comes to mind! SharaRose @-->-- Of sound, and speech let all lift the hearer! |
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Mad_Hatter Member
since 2003-06-29
Posts 393Canada |
Beautifully written. Flawlessly written. Amazing write. |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Thank you Meg, I don't usually rhyme - I wrote this a very long time ago and it needed to breathe - thank you Thank you poe, coming from you that means a lot . . . grammar? what grammar? LOL *smile* you are much too kind to me Shara - I know, I used to write like this all the time, never free verse or any other forms, this one I like because it just , I dont know . . fits it seems, thank you so much and yes, these thoughts go through my head every day - thank you Ryan, wow . . . thank you so much, means a lot to me - what a compliment Thank you everyone, you made me smile today xxoo [This message has been edited by littlewing (08-27-2003 08:24 PM).] |
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inkedgoddess Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392Ohio |
sue, you're down with the rhymes.... real good Tell me your fears you don't need to hear mine Just hold me close and I'll be fine Wipe away my tears and kiss me, Oh so sweet! I'll pack away my sins and bury them beneath my feet benath feet....they sink into the sand, thrown on the water, where there is no judgment......... peace and love, m |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
A beauty, Susie And this? "Tell me your fears you don't need to hear mine Just hold me close and I'll be fine Wipe away my tears and kiss me, Oh so sweet! I'll pack away my sins and bury them beneath my feet" My favorite! Mr.Rose |
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Ringo
since 2003-02-20
Posts 3684Saluting with misty eyes |
For not being a rhyming poet, this one is awefully good... Hold my hand and squeeze and pull me, oh, so close! For the Judgement Day is here to take this life I chose. I especially enjoyed this part. Great job. We are all equal but we’re individually different |
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timothysangel1973
since 2001-12-03
Posts 1725Never close enough |
I got lost as I was wondering around and ended up in dark, which is highly unusual for me, but hey...it's 2 AM and there aint a wink of sleep in sight! Sue, this was great...I loved the rythm here, and the message. You done a wonderful job (even if it was some time ago)! ...maybe I will check out a few more... I need to take my hiney to bed, but oh well...I can sleep tommorow right?  [This message has been edited by timothysangel1973 (08-31-2003 02:27 AM).] |
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green_itchy_stuff Senior Member
since 2003-06-26
Posts 1929New Caney, Tx |
I havent had the chance to get on-line in a while, and destiny let me read this tonight. hehe good write. GIS a trickle of music from a well |
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cusick Senior Member
since 2003-07-27
Posts 668 |
Littlewing. This is such an impressive poem. I loved it. Maggie |
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