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Dark Poetry #3
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A Star Up In The Sky
| Dark Poetry #3 |
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A Star Up In The Sky |
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eor Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959blues & greys 
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i have not posted in a while, not inspired enough to 'deem' anything good...i really don't like this one, it need a lot of work, so let me know...i really did not even want to post this one, but it has been too long... lost in a world of self deceit will this mistake bring our vivid crystal to her eye i wanted you to hate i wanted you to love me i wanted to show you everything i know it was too soon for me to love you but does that mean that you can run into someone else's arms i want to show you love and give what's left of my world right there there, you see it there's my flaw one of my million i know you see it too will you stay and help me fix myself or will you be scared of your true feelings the feeling of love don't turn it to hate will my mistake bring this vivid crystal to your eye i'm a wishful thinker with the worst intentions which would you prefer my finger on the trigger of love or me face down, down across your floor as long as your heart is loaded -------- egh, sorry to put you through that... "in a past life i was a woodcarver's knife: the sharpend blade of a wood cutter, the eldest son of the chief's brother: a maker of drums" [This message has been edited by eor (08-16-2003 02:54 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 matt cockrell - All Rights Reserved | |||
Kaoru
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892where the wild flowers grow |
Through what? Honesty? I liked it, raw and undemanding..yet yearning. Editing? Nah, for fools only, keep what comes out clearly and plainly. Exellent write. |
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Mad_Hatter Member
since 2003-06-29
Posts 393Canada |
do NOT edit this, it would ruin it. Editing some poems just takes away what made them special to begin with. It's like baking cookies and then pulling out the chocolate chips to make the cookie look more perfect. Poetry to me is about emotion and when you just write and leave something alone that's when the emotion shows best. I loved it, just like all of your poems raw, honest and full of emotion. Great stuff. |
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mysticpoe Senior Member
since 2003-02-28
Posts 883 |
Well eor, the first 5 and last 3 lines were great. your usual. Now that you'll starting to cook, let's see some more. mysticpoe |
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eor Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959blues & greys |
kaoru-thanks, you bring a smile to my face mad hatter-you are right, that was a goos analogy, maybe i will leave it be poe-as always, comments much appreciated thank you all "in a past life i was a woodcarver's knife: the sharpend blade of a wood cutter, the eldest son of the chief's brother: a maker of drums" |
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green_itchy_stuff Senior Member
since 2003-06-26
Posts 1929New Caney, Tx |
i tried to post to this once already and it didnt work out. Anyway I enjoyed this before and I enjoy it now. GIS a trickle of music from a well |
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SharaRose Member Elite
since 2003-07-19
Posts 2501Somewhere out there~ |
eor this is so sweet. Vulnerable. So open, and honest. I would rather have someone lain out on their face on my floor because that means there's an HONEST humbling within that persons soul. I cried and cried when I read this again. Sheesh this makes me wish I could take a persons pain for them so they could have some time away from the torment of their pain. Hurt to read this one. Bless your heart...this is just heart-breaking. You  because YOU are much more than worth it. You are worth it a million times over!  SharaRose @-->-- Of sound, and speech let all lift the hearer! |
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inkedgoddess Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392Ohio |
me face down, down across your floor as long as your heart is loaded cool lines |
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blackhalo Member
since 2000-02-15
Posts 467Denver, CO |
"sorry to put you through that"?!?!? This piece radiates energy and emotion. It is raw, which can be one of the bests aspects of poetry! And the last stanza... well, is just... *god why can't I ever find the words I want?* breath-taking.  This hits home all too well. *library!* You don't have to like it, I will enough for both of us. ~Alicia |
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qtpieelmo Senior Member
since 2000-07-04
Posts 989Sesame Street :) hee hee ,NY |
I know, I feel like that about a lot of my pieces, but if you took the time to write it, then it means something to you & that's all that is important!! I think it's great just the way it is!!  " What lies behind us & what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us"< as long as your heart is loaded>> I love that part!! Really got me thinkin'  ELMO"No man is EVER worth my tears, and the one who is, will never make me cry!" |
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cusick Senior Member
since 2003-07-27
Posts 668 |
I really enjoyed reading this. Looks as though your writing block is well and truly over. Maggie |
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eor Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959blues & greys |
Ms. Rose-as always you words of encouragement strike deep. inkedgoddess-thank you Alicia-thanks for your kind words, and adding my poem that means a lot to me Elmo-thanks for your kind words as well, sometimes even though my poetry is from the heart i don't think it is worth anything Maggie-thanks, i hope it is Thank you all again! "in a past life i was a woodcarver's knife: the sharpend blade of a wood cutter, the eldest son of the chief's brother: a maker of drums" |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Matt? you the fool? no no, on the contrary . . . it is the one who does not accept the love that never feels or truly lives . . . Please know this xxoo |
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