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Dark Poetry #3

So sick of it

Ankaria
Junior Member

since 2003-07-26

Posts 35
Sask. Canada

0 posted 2003-08-03 02:35 PM

Why do you smile like that?
         Stop starring!
Just because you're happy
                       beautiful
                           successful.
    STOP IT!
            Why do you ditch me for your friends?
    They aren't as important as me!
       They aren't Yours...
Gosh,
    I thought we went over this,
      time
        and
          time
             AGAIN...
              Would you come to your senses?
I thought you loved me?
             cared for me?
              cherished me?

So much for love,
            Envy Wins Again...

Ankaria
"Is all we see or seem, but a dream within a dream?"
-Edgar Allen Poe

green_itchy_stuff
Senior Member

since 2003-06-26

Posts 1929
New Caney, Tx

1 posted 2003-08-03 03:35 PM

Yeah it happens. Time and time again. People are weird.

a trickle of music from a well
let it spill and roar like hell!

{Lord knows Im a VOODOO CHILD}-JIMI

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

2 posted 2003-08-04 08:45 PM

The begining was kinda: bleh, you told instead of showed us. The end was great though, especially the last line. sometimes its hard be creative when your going through something like this. I hope things improve.

eor
Senior Member

since 2002-09-26

Posts 959
blues & greys

3 posted 2003-08-14 12:16 PM

i liked the message you were trying to convey, but like lexy said toy were telling not showing, i like where you were going, but i think after some rewriting this could be great.

"in a past life i was a woodcarver's knife: the sharpend blade of a wood cutter, the eldest son of the chief's brother: a maker of drums"

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