Dark Poetry #3 |
...sigh... |
eor Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959blues & greys |
alas i see what is meant for me a life of confusion no one to turn to thought i did you were happy when i left spent all day with her came back and you were sad you said nothing was wrong i said you lie you got upset and left with her there is something deep inside i don't think i can hide anymore than before someone please help me i can't be ignored why do i feel like this is such a chore life that is maybe i am over reacting or maybe you were just acting maybe i'm just crazy but hey that's they way i am baby falling faster into this no way out is this bliss? |
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© Copyright 2003 matt cockrell - All Rights Reserved | |||
Kaoru
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892where the wild flowers grow |
Different, great write |
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eor Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959blues & greys |
thanks, i am feeling different today... |
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green_itchy_stuff Senior Member
since 2003-06-26
Posts 1929New Caney, Tx |
A giant block of thought. And it is a nice thought at that. Good poem |
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Ladybug Member
since 2003-06-17
Posts 236Massachusetts |
[This message has been edited by Ladybug (07-02-2003 10:02 AM).] |
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Ladybug Member
since 2003-06-17
Posts 236Massachusetts |
Hi Eor, good poem! It was really choppy, almost random, and this worked well for the poem. A question for you, I'm not sure what was intended by this line: "thought i did" "no one to turn to thought i did" -- are you saying you thought you HAD someone to turn to? If so, you'd need to add that in there somehow. I enjoyed this poem, very cool! Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end... |
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Mad_Hatter Member
since 2003-06-29
Posts 393Canada |
Wow man, great stuff yet again. You have a style all your own and I love it. |
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eor Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959blues & greys |
thanks mad hatter, i appreciate it a lot, and ladybug you were right but i felt like it did not need to be in there, have to make the reader think, can't always lay it out on the line, a little iceburg every now and again...but thanks all of you |
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Ladybug Member
since 2003-06-17
Posts 236Massachusetts |
Hey, Eor! I hear what your saying...I also like to make the reader do some work once in a while. Still, an excellent write! I am really enjoying your stuff! Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end... |
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eor Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959blues & greys |
thank you! |
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Chameleon Member
since 2002-08-07
Posts 99Australia |
the attitude, the rythym, the articulation! love it |
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eor Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959blues & greys |
:-) |
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eor Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959blues & greys |
:-) "in a past life i was a woodcarver's knife: the sharpend blade of a wood cutter, the eldest son of the chief's brother: a maker of drums" |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
A silky flow...like the question at the end...James |
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dertah Senior Member
since 2003-06-18
Posts 584 |
ha ha, very cool dude, right on. |
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Jeremiah Johnson Senior Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 1223Brooksville, Fl, U.S |
a great write. you have talent indeed hope to see more in the future. I'm a dying romantic and when i can no longer write i can no longer live -Jeremiah Johnson- |
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missmisery61 Member
since 2003-07-08
Posts 56 |
"why do i feel like this is such a chore" Ever drive by nice homes with beautiful lawns, ongoing BBQ's in the back yard, with perfect children playing in the yard and wonder, just wonder, if their lives are as picture perfect as they seem? I really believe it's a chore for most of us, most of the time. If I'm wrong and their lives are so perfect, I've been cheated and am requesting a refund. I really enjoyed your poem, as you can see, it made me think, lol. So lord I see you grinnin' must be grand always winning....AIC |
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