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Dark Poetry #3

Sun to None

aran
Junior Member

since 2003-05-18

Posts 34

0 posted 2003-05-20 09:34 PM

Sun to None

(Dystopian dreams:
the ransom of my mind.
Though thoughts more sublime
trouble me now.)

Def speakers feed me my life
with a spoon longer than the plank
i am so slowly being pushed off of.

The ship sways,
to and fro:
a gentle motion,
yet like my friends i must go,
fall off of the plank into darkness.

All alone
i take one last drink
to the things i know
and to the things i think,
or rather i think i know...
does the mind not grow?
too bad mine just got swollen;
when the ice applied
gone was my wit;
my intelligence

clever?
i am no longer.
Life?
i am no longer.

i go from hello into goodbye;
day into night;
sun into rain...

sun into rain?
no, rain is too temporary.

sun to none.

Xeonox

Senior Member

since 2000-04-01

Posts 1764
CA, USA

1 posted 2003-05-22 01:48 AM

I wonder why not one has replied to your piece. It is thought provoking. I liked the following lines.

*************************************
All alone
i take one last drink
to the things i know
and to the things i think,
or rather i think i know...
does the mind not grow?
**************************************

Marilyn
Member Elite

since 1999-09-26

Posts 2621
Ontario, Canada

2 posted 2003-05-23 06:41 AM

I enjoyed the imagery in this piece. You manage to make the reader think and the feelings come through loud and clear.

Marilyn

Brad Majors

Member Elite

since 2001-04-03

Posts 2647
Georgia

3 posted 2003-05-27 11:03 AM

Very unique!

SgtMac
Junior Member

since 2003-05-19

Posts 13

4 posted 2003-05-27 11:45 AM

It really gets my mind going. Very nice.

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