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Dark Poetry #3
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aran
Junior Member
since 2003-05-18
Posts 34


0 posted 2003-05-20 09:34 PM


Sun to None

(Dystopian dreams:
the ransom of my mind.
Though thoughts more sublime
trouble me now.)

Def speakers feed me my life
with a spoon longer than the plank
i am so slowly being pushed off of.

The ship sways,
to and fro:
a gentle motion,
yet like my friends i must go,
fall off of the plank into darkness.

All alone
i take one last drink
to the things i know
and to the things i think,
or rather i think i know...
does the mind not grow?
too bad mine just got swollen;
when the ice applied
gone was my wit;
my intelligence

clever?
i am no longer.
Life?
i am no longer.

i go from hello into goodbye;
day into night;
sun into rain...

sun into rain?
no, rain is too temporary.

sun to none.

© Copyright 2003 aran - All Rights Reserved
Xeonox
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2000-04-01
Posts 1764
CA, USA
1 posted 2003-05-22 01:48 AM


I wonder why not one has replied to your piece. It is thought provoking. I liked the following lines.

*************************************
All alone
i take one last drink
to the things i know
and to the things i think,
or rather i think i know...
does the mind not grow?
**************************************

Marilyn
Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621
Ontario, Canada
2 posted 2003-05-23 06:41 AM


I enjoyed the imagery in this piece. You manage to make the reader think and the feelings come through loud and clear.

Marilyn

Brad Majors
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Member Elite
since 2001-04-03
Posts 2647
Georgia
3 posted 2003-05-27 11:03 AM


Very unique!
SgtMac
Junior Member
since 2003-05-19
Posts 13

4 posted 2003-05-27 11:45 AM


It really gets my mind going.  Very nice.
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