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ljossberir
Member

since 2003-05-04

Posts 81
Ny, USA

0 posted 2003-05-07 05:23 PM

I wrote this poem back when I was only 14 or so, and have never touched it since, so obviously it needs alot of revision and trimming. But, I still think its interesting.

Coffee Shop
matt keach

Coffee Shop
Matt Keach

It’s a really nice day, the sun is shining
This surely is the rainbow’s silver lining
Ahh A shop… a Coffee shop
I fall into an outdoor seat, tapping my thumbs to a live band’s beat
“I’d like a coffee… milk and sugar, decaf…French vanilla.. nah, hazelnut..” I decipher the cryptic menu but the prices are way too steep “75 cents, here’s a dollar, the rest you can keep”
I spot a chubby young boy with a grin that’s keen
He leans over to clean his 2 wheeled machine
This object seems so fresh and new
Maybe it was a birthday gift, I think. He seems so pleased,
I remember when a new bike would appease my childhood yearning.
“Those were simpler times, but at least it is such a beautiful day.”
His giddy fat hands caress the bike’s axel, little sandy dirt tracks lead to where he’s sitting. “Ahh thank you..” my coffee finally arrives. I sip as I watch the bluebirds play and enjoy the day in a planted maple tree admist the sidewalk.
This young boy is so overjoyed with his brand new toy, it makes me content to see that there are still people who love life.
He’s doing pop o wheelie’s and skidding on the pavement.
It is such a beautiful time. “I’d like an apple pie..” I say, finding some extra quarters,
“Sure..” the waitress replies “..isn’t it such a nice fine day?”
“It is…” I say as she takes the order behind the counter. The kid is having so much fun, no longer has to run, he rides; so elated at the wheels between his thighs.
A truck comes down the main street, coming really fast, but no one seems to care, annoyance is in the past.

The driver seems I upset I think. The boy rides further, clink clink clink.
Now the truck is coming faster and really before I know it, the boy’s blood is
splattered on the cement and a crowd looks in shock as the nearly lifeless boy begins to rock back and forth in utter pain.
It begins to rain, wiping some of the blood away. I look to the waitress. “It isn’t such a nice day, anymore.”

My apple pie tastes good.

peaceful_dreamer
Member

since 2003-04-25

Posts 159
SoMeWhErE oVeR tHe RaInBoW

1 posted 2003-05-07 09:20 PM

this is so good, and the outcome is totally unexpected. Try breaking it into stanzas, and i noticed the ryming wasn't through the whole thing. i'm almost speechless. you described everything so well, i could see it playing out in my head. great job!

there are 2 ways of spreading light: to be the candle, or the mirror that reflects it. -unknown

qtpieelmo
Senior Member

since 2000-07-04

Posts 989
Sesame Street :) hee hee ,NY

2 posted 2003-05-09 05:44 PM

WoW, that was definately a shocker, I thought it was gonna have a happy ending & that you would give the boy the pie

Great job, I agree that it should rhyme all the way through or not at all, but I loved this anyway!!

I love the last line, you still enjoying your apple pie-lol--I hope this wasn't a true story!

ELMO

"No man is EVER worth my tears, and the one who is, will never make me cry!"

ljossberir
Member

since 2003-05-04

Posts 81
Ny, USA

3 posted 2003-05-09 11:53 PM

its not true,lol. Well, I know what you mean.. im def. going to revise it, it was when I was 14 and had only just begun writing. At the time I had just finished reading Albert Camus' "The Stranger", and that was an influence on this piece (and especially the last few lines)
Thanks for your comments!

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