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Dark Poetry #3
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a poem of mine
| Dark Poetry #3 |
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a poem of mine |
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ljossberir Member
since 2003-05-04
Posts 81Ny, USA 
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Hi, I wanted to share a poem of mine. I'd like to see any of your reactions/analysis to it. I think it's a pretty beautiful one, although it's dark in nature. The Miner by Matt Keach It's perfectly normal for the eyes to twitch twice It's painfully obvious: every remedy has it's price. Duck down. You know you could shake the head left and shake it right Blood should always have bubbles in your forsight Tight wound. If you fall into doubt, never have any qualms About stealing the beggar's only midday alms Desperate fingers take from quivering palms. But, always return the crumbs you've dropped Always remember those paths that you've hopped Never forget how many blisters have popped. It's painstaking labor mining those gems Drill, scour, drop in a pan. Not a step closer than the day I began. It's breathtaking neighbor, this path to nowhere. ---- what do you think? [This message has been edited by ljossberir (05-05-2003 12:08 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 K - All Rights Reserved | |||
Xeonox
since 2000-04-01
Posts 1764CA, USA |
I think this is a very interesting piece. Reminds me of a fantasy world. Ronil |
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JP Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343Loomis, CA |
Welcome to PiP, nice entrance. Yesterday is ash, tomorrow is smoke; only today does the fire burn. |
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qtpieelmo Senior Member
since 2000-07-04
Posts 989Sesame Street :) hee hee ,NY |
WoW, This is great!!  Share some more soon!!  ELMO "No man is EVER worth my tears, and the one who is, will never make me cry!" |
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ljossberir Member
since 2003-05-04
Posts 81Ny, USA |
thanks alot everyone.. glad to be here  |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
I'm really impressed with you so far, Matt. You write with a lot of depth and insight, and your style is simple enough to keep your message just at the surface while still shrouding it with enough symbolism to require thought. quote: My favourite line. I also love your title... you've described the notion of greed in such a cyclical way, it makes possession seem so strangely futile... what I saw in this was a description of materialism. Human beings drill and drill for gems that really get them nowhere. All we're seeking is things that we're already aware of, and it's painstaking labour... so much effort goes into it and we really get nothing in return. I'm not sure if this was what you intended. It's a challenging poem. But rest assured, I love the way that you present your ideas... I'll have my eye on your future posts. Oh and while I'm at it, welcome to piptalk. Parasite Poets are the unacknowledged legislators of the world. |
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Kahlil Senior Member
since 2003-04-12
Posts 1881 |
this is thought provoking, which I enjoy so much...why do I get the sense that you have "been there". "It's perfectly normal for the eyes to twitch twice It's painfully obvious: every remedy has it's price." I know this. Thanks for sharing. |
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ljossberir Member
since 2003-05-04
Posts 81Ny, USA |
I'm really impressed with you so far, Matt. You write with a lot of depth and insight, and your style is simple enough to keep your message just at the surface while still shrouding it with enough symbolism to require thought. quote: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Desperate fingers take from quivering palms. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My favourite line. I also love your title... you've described the notion of greed in such a cyclical way, it makes possession seem so strangely futile... what I saw in this was a description of materialism. Human beings drill and drill for gems that really get them nowhere. All we're seeking is things that we're already aware of, and it's painstaking labour... so much effort goes into it and we really get nothing in return. I'm not sure if this was what you intended. It's a challenging poem. But rest assured, I love the way that you present your ideas... I'll have my eye on your future posts. Oh and while I'm at it, welcome to piptalk. Parasite Poets are the unacknowledged legislators of the world. ~Percy Bysshe Shelley Thank you for your quite appreciated comments... as far as replying to them: about the "greed" theme, yes, this is an underlying theme... but with a different skew (spelling?) It's more completely described as the will to survival, instinct, the law of the jungle. Since your posts were so thoughtful, I guess i'll take you through the meaning of this, as this is also one of my favorite works. Let me be upfront, this poem is for the most part, about life... and those strong enough to "dig" through it when faced with trials and tribulations. The miner is a normal person, but a survivor. And the path represents life. I felt a "miner" worked perfectly for this because it might signify a "rough,tough" survivor. The first verse - "it's perfectly normal.................... tight wound" just about the pains of life... the second verse.. about doing what is nessecary to survive, regardless of any other doubts. This instinct is not often appreciated as, I feel, it should be. This before all else keeps us alive. the third verse.. kind of reiterates the second, however, "return the crumbs you dropped" <-- this was a bit of a cautionary idea to the theme in the second verse, that you *should* care about everyone else, just as long as you've already done whats nessecary to keep yourself going. You can't help anyone if you haven't taken care of yourself. Many of us go out on a limb to help others at too costly an expense to ourselves. "hopped,popped".... about remembering the places you've been, and pains you've fought through, respectively. Third verse, "painstaking labor" <--life is rough, thats the way it is, get used to it. "not a step closer" <-- sometimes life can seem monotonous and dull, like you're going nowhere, but the miner still keeps going. "beautiful, neighbor"<-- taking time to appreciate life. "path to nowhere" <--- no one knows where life "the path" takes us, but it's still beautiful! thanks for all your comments |
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