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Dark Poetry #3
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Brain Damage
| Dark Poetry #3 |
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Brain Damage |
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poet25 Junior Member
since 2003-06-17
Posts 18PE, Canada |
Blank there in my eyes Black images through out Hole in head Lifeless in essence Darkened heart Pain staken In and out of reality Horrid in expression Blood lace dreams Retched being Creation of meaningless potential Sorrow not needed Sympathy unforgivable Once was is, what can it be Amongst dead bodies Is there life What is this When knowledge is lost What can I be |
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| © Copyright 2003 Adam Wilson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Gavin Junior Member
since 2003-06-22
Posts 47 |
very nice i like the end a lot for what's fear, pain and suffering without conscious |
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somethinginyoursocks Junior Member
since 2003-03-27
Posts 28IN, the U.S. of A. |
This is a great experiment poem. You did a good job with your word choice. It was kind of hard to follow, though. Try not to write to impress by making it sound complicated. Instead, write what you can and eventually, your skill will increase enough so that you will write complicated and coherent. Personally, it seemed just like rambling at parts. But, others were sheer brilliance and great imagery and word usage. You've got some potential. If I were you, I'd try to make it a habit that once in a while, you write two poems. One, dedicated to imagery and flow. The Second, dedicated to harsh words and strong phrases. It's like bodybuilding. It's also a very good habit to develope. Again, this is a great experiment poem. You can do so much with it and also learn from it, as well. -I don't need a signature- |
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poet25 Junior Member
since 2003-06-17
Posts 18PE, Canada |
Thank you very much for the response to my poem, as well thank you for the critic, but one thing i was not trying to impress with big words I just grabbed a pen out of the blue and wrote it in about 1 and a half minutes, thank you I may try that two poem idea of yours |
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