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Dark Poetry #3
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just wrote this, need help findin a title
| Dark Poetry #3 |
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just wrote this, need help findin a title |
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PoetOfDarkness2002 Junior Member
since 2002-12-06
Posts 41Lost in my dissociative unrealistic world |
I haven't written in a while but got the urge to last night and need help giving it a name... ------------------------------------- Untitled If I were to ask you to marry me, would you? If I were to say I love you, would you say you love me too? If I died tomorrow would your soul die too? Would you be insulted if I ask these questions to you? If I was to cut myself to pieces, would you cry? If I was to kill myself would you wonder why? If I was in trouble would you rush to be by my side? Would you lend your shoulder if I needed to cry? If I were to let you, would you see the pain in my eyes? If I was to be totally open with you, Would the struggles that are unknown to you be a surprise? If I was unsafe would you take me away And bring me to a place where there'd be brighter days? Would you take me to a church so that I could become your wife? Would you do anything you could to make me feel alright? The Answers to these questions are nowhere in sight But I know I'd die a happy woman if I could have you for just one night. (c) Amanda Becker ~*Manda*~ |
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| © Copyright 2003 Amanda L. Becker - All Rights Reserved | |||
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BrokenDreams Member
since 2003-02-09
Posts 425In The Clouds |
I like this and titles..."would You?" sorry I'm really not very good with titles. Jenni To hate you must first have loved. |
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PoetOfDarkness2002 Junior Member
since 2002-12-06
Posts 41Lost in my dissociative unrealistic world |
thank yous....would you sounds like a feasible title...will think about it...thanks for replying! ~*manda*~ |
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MellonCollie Member
since 2003-04-11
Posts 117Austria,Europe |
i love that one...sorry i don't know a title, while reading i also had would you in my mind...but that sounds kinda boring and unimaginative...but grea´t poem, even without a title  how will i laugh tomorrow when i can't even smile today [This message has been edited by MellonCollie (04-23-2003 12:17 PM).] |
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PoetOfDarkness2002 Junior Member
since 2002-12-06
Posts 41Lost in my dissociative unrealistic world |
thank you....normally if i know what my feelings are when i write poems i know what i'll name it...but when i wrote this i didnt quite know what i was feeling...thankx again for replying.. ~*manda*~ |
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edh Member
since 2003-03-26
Posts 111 |
I think "Would You" would be a good title too. |
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Kahlil Senior Member
since 2003-04-12
Posts 1881 |
How 'bout "Would You Stay Tonight?" |
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PoetOfDarkness2002 Junior Member
since 2002-12-06
Posts 41Lost in my dissociative unrealistic world |
Thank you, would you would be sensible to name it tho it sounds blah....would you stay tonight sounds more interesting tho i am not sure if one can do so many things in a night....lol...so i am thinking about "would you stay"  ~*Manda*~ |
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Kahlil Senior Member
since 2003-04-12
Posts 1881 |
Yes! That's it! |
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PoetOfDarkness2002 Junior Member
since 2002-12-06
Posts 41Lost in my dissociative unrealistic world |
 hehe...YAY!  ~*Manda*~ |
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A. L. Becker Member
since 2002-09-06
Posts 167San Francisco, California |
Yes, i vote for "Would You Stay" too. |
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stupefied Junior Member
since 2003-04-26
Posts 12dead america |
great poem! i like it a lot. it has a lot of emotion to it. while i was reading it i came up with several titles...i don't think any of them are too good but the best one i could think of would be "what would you do?" it's kinda boring but i think "would you" would fit just perfectly! anyways great poem! "sticks and stones are hard on bones aimed with angry art...words can sting like anything but silence...SILENCE BREAKS THE HEART... |
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Fariegirl Member
since 2003-02-05
Posts 147 |
if.... I guess that would work |
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IcyFlamez89 Member
since 2003-02-14
Posts 292Jersey City NJ |
I really liked this. As for the title, you can stem out of the obvious and make it like: "Questions of Fate" or "Wishing Soul" or anything ethereal. The title gives it appeal and is what attracts readers to delve more into your poems. A dull title can turn away readers. Many great poems are unnoticed due to that. [This message has been edited by IcyFlamez89 (05-03-2003 06:02 PM).] |
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ljossberir Member
since 2003-05-04
Posts 81Ny, USA |
I don't know, would you is well fitting of the poem, but I agree Amanda it is rather blahhh The speaker is either wondering what the other would answer or demanding answers to questions.. so how about something with a bit more vitality, perhaps something like Speak up! ... eh... I suppose thats not really better than would you, after all. But it's a possibility. Just my 2 cents. Nice poem though! |
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j-oh-E Member
since 2003-05-01
Posts 59Texas, USA |
how about "Asleep But Awake" thats what I thought when I read your poem. |
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teenpoet Member
since 2001-10-17
Posts 280Michigan |
Yeah the would you title seems to be fairly well...boring but it suits it. or maybe "If I...Would You?" I don't know. I suck at the title thing, basically at poetry altogether but the would you thing seems to fit. |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
I love to think up titles...although that doesn't quarantee I'm good at it... My suggestion is "Can I Ask You A Question"...seems a little crazy doesn't it? James |
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Sonic Junior Member
since 2003-05-06
Posts 13Victoria, Australia |
Heart struggle loved this - good job |
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