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Dark Poetry #3
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Untitled help me think of one
| Dark Poetry #3 |
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Untitled help me think of one |
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jaysh Member
since 2003-04-16
Posts 133IL, USA 
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All the feelings Ive had but never showed are eating away at me, attacking me this very second. All the things Ive said but never meant are eating away at me, attacking me this very second. All the people I have hurt but never meant too are eating away at me, attacking me this very second. The past and the rest of my life, is eating away at me, attacking me this very second |
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| © Copyright 2003 Janna Jae Shaffer - All Rights Reserved | |||
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IcyFlamez89 Member
since 2003-02-14
Posts 292Jersey City NJ |
You had a flow goin, i thought the poem would have went on. You whould add more verses i think. As for a name, best leave it untitled till you think of one yourself. Naming their work is the sole right of the poet, but a 'suggestion' from me would be to use a title that arouses regret, or pain of a gnawed heart. "A bitten soul" or "Pained Regret", but somethinh less corny as those, lol /pip/Forum46/HTML/003231.html "I think, therefore I am" ~Renee Descartes [This message has been edited by IcyFlamez89 (04-21-2003 01:34 AM).] |
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Ringo 
since 2003-02-20
Posts 3684Saluting with misty eyes |
I have to agree with IcyFlamz... This is a very good start, however it's just not finished. As you continue the thoughts, it will tell you what the name is going to be. All good poetry does, and this is going to be one of those really good poems. When the morning cries and you don't know why... |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
J: exactly - you have it all right there amazing thoughts - punch it up - shorten the lines and make it bleed . . . the title - alas - will come when you feel the write to be complete . . . amazing job - xxoo |
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qtpieelmo Senior Member
since 2000-07-04
Posts 989Sesame Street :) hee hee ,NY |
WoW, I agree you can do soo much with this, sounds like "Revenge" to me!  Great start!! ELMO |
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