Dark Poetry #3 |
Cell For Your Mind |
gpc Junior Member
since 2003-03-01
Posts 43 |
CELL FOR YOUR MIND Fingers pressed cold, Against the hard metal. White blood pushed to the tips, Of ten arid plains. Mind was racing, But that was years ago, Tears ago. When you could think. The waste of your forced consumerism, Lies scattered across the prison, They told you to lock yourself into. "For your own well being". But there was, "No need to panic". You heard as the eye, Turned white. White explosion, White noise, White heat, Black burning. It rained inside and out, Trying to drink your tears. Hiding from the cries, Of the firery fall's victims. You want those ten digits to feel, More than what's inside you. You want those eyes to see, More than what's inside you. You want your mind to feel, Closed inside the outside. So you decide to die inside your cage, For your leaders. |
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© Copyright 2003 gpc - All Rights Reserved | |||
Fariegirl Member
since 2003-02-05
Posts 147 |
good but a little comfusing, continue writing, you're good. |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
(big hugggssssss) I too have been locked in this metaphysical asylum before, dearest friend, this is a very dark debut but you express the vision so clear from behind the white, God Bless You, I send angel hugs your way and my vote, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet friend, thank you for sharing! May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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aries_luv_ppl Senior Member
since 2001-09-20
Posts 1448Universal Mind |
it is a little bit confusing but keep it up ~Every girl has a dream within. |
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JP Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343Loomis, CA |
yep yep yep "But that was years ago, Tears ago." Good, very good. Yesterday is ash, tomorrow is smoke; only today does the fire burn. |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
mmm this is good... hard, cold, fearing.. dark. But good, very good. I like it. Always, Alyssa - And so it was that time stood still - |
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gpc Junior Member
since 2003-03-01
Posts 43 |
well i have to say i dont write obvious things. its not meant to be inherently confusing but its meant to be more thought provoking. i love to see what other interpretations people have of my work as they are often completely different to why i wrote and it and more often than not, an even better explanation for it! |
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Jason Lyle Senior Member
since 2003-02-07
Posts 1438With my darkling |
I like this, and if I am reading it right its about the prison of " what they told you to be".At least thats how I read it. Nice work. Jason |
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JP Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343Loomis, CA |
yes, a message here indeed. I like. Yesterday is ash, tomorrow is smoke; only today does the fire burn. |
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SPIRIT Senior Member
since 2002-12-29
Posts 1745California Desert |
Just a little 'confuddling' I kind of felt you were a 'Prisoner of Self' and that your cell was self-made. |
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SPIRIT Senior Member
since 2002-12-29
Posts 1745California Desert |
Good write, though. Just came back to vote, forgot first time in. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Thought provoking would be my words to describe this... Looking forward to reading more of your work. |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
I got a bit confused but could be my age |
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gpc Junior Member
since 2003-03-01
Posts 43 |
i try to be confusing. makes people think |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
I see it as relevant today - we do what our leaders tell us to do. Suffer the consequences for them. I like it...and I get to vote for it! |
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Alicethruglass Member
since 2001-06-19
Posts 368 |
I felt like Spirit that you were a 'Prisoner of Self' very interesting work...I actually would like to save it and reread it for more depth perception |
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WhiteRose Member Elite
since 2002-07-23
Posts 3208somebody's dungeon |
Wow, this is incredible. It gets my vote. |
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SPIRIT Senior Member
since 2002-12-29
Posts 1745California Desert |
Just a bump. |
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gpc Junior Member
since 2003-03-01
Posts 43 |
woohoo! a bump thanks for the comments guys. u can check out more of my stuff at http://darkened.mine.nu/poetry/ |
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