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Dark Poetry #3
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Endless Night
| Dark Poetry #3 |
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Endless Night |
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morcor0120ch New Member
since 2003-02-25
Posts 7 |
Endless Night The mind trips into a self-altered image, a broadcast of eternal darkness, climbing further and further into this mental state, insomnia succeeds all of its predecessors, conquering the human psyche. Mentally and physically drained from this experience, thinking about where it began and what they made out of it, hours and hours become days and days, months on end and I’ve been sleeping haven’t I? Motivation withers in the stiff winds of the black world, dying all together and for what? Ice melts and so does the evening sky, up again, 4:00 AM is getting kind of lonely. The sun breaches its vow of complete darkness, a new day starts without beginning at all and it’s still the same, continuance of another cycle of tired eyes, and a restless mind. |
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| © Copyright 2003 morcor0120ch - All Rights Reserved | |||
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Interesting flow of thoughts...James |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (big hugggssssss) I too know this feeling, I used to have it during much of my early life till I was 14 years old! (sad sigh) I never turned to God while I was suffering nightmares and seizures and when I almost ended my life, he pushed me back and that is how I found the dawn! (sad sigh) This is powerful, sweet friend, you have my vote, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet friend, thank you for sharing! May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
I actually indentified with this as I stay awake some nights rather than to go into nightmare. Good writing. |
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JP Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343Loomis, CA |
Exhausting! You captured the feeling of unendingness.... well done. Yesterday is ash, tomorrow is smoke; only today does the fire burn. |
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gpc Junior Member
since 2003-03-01
Posts 43 |
last night i got quite smashed and stayed up till 3. this helps me to identify with what i was doing. i like the style, great imagery. |
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WhiteRose Member Elite
since 2002-07-23
Posts 3208somebody's dungeon |
An interesting read. |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
I too am afflicted with insomnia some nights. I get mad at myself for not being able to just turn off the thoughts in my head. Maybe we should form an 'owl's club' and meet here in the dark of night. A little company would help sometimes. I enjoyed your poem. |
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Alicethruglass Member
since 2001-06-19
Posts 368 |
tired eyes and a restless mind...I live this ^ also is a very inspiring thought *s |
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SPIRIT Senior Member
since 2002-12-29
Posts 1745California Desert |
I can relate - I suffer from sleep disorders including narcolepsy - this is very worthy of a vote from me. |
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mysticpoe Senior Member
since 2003-02-28
Posts 883 |
Ice melts and so does the evening sky, real nice line. I want to say the insomnia is a metaphor for the disturbance in life, the world? Nice read. mysticpoe |
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Sikanda Member
since 2002-10-08
Posts 54 |
this poem is really good. I voted it for it. ~anna |
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somethinginyoursocks Junior Member
since 2003-03-27
Posts 28IN, the U.S. of A. |
Well...while, yes, it is a very interesting read, personally, it lacked some emotion. Ever read the 'Spoon River Anthology' by Edgar Lee Masters? One of the epitaphs in the collection is entitled 'Petit: the poet' and he was a poet that could do magnificent things with his poetry. He could do every style and use every technique. Problem was, that's all he ever was. He could only write about love being lost and the seasons changing. He wanted to be accomplished like Homer, Frost, Whitman. I'm sensing that here. Look at line 3. 'climbing further and further into this mental state' Is some of that really necessary? I firmly believe in 'less is more' and using 'mental state' just doesn't flow too well with me. Get out of your syntax comfort zone and don't write to impress! And if you are going to write to impress, at least stay consistent. Look at line 2, stanza 2. 'what they made out of it'? 'what they made out of it'? Doesn't sound like the same poem a few lines ago, does it? Remember the flow. I'll definitely say this is a good read, but you can do better. Don't worry about impressing and start worrying about EXpressing. -I don't need a signature- |
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