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Dark Poetry #3
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Knightmare Race
| Dark Poetry #3 |
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Knightmare Race |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia 
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All my dreams are dark of late and death, in keening calls should I surrender to my fate, within these pallid walls. No gleam of sunlight shines on me in blackest night, I roam; I seek the door that sets me free or one that leads me home. No starlit path to guide my way no Ariendiel for me, but dark of night, I hope to stay and pierce with eyes that see. I walk this road alone, alone! For comfort draws not near through the vale, of blood and bone is my heart drawn and sere. A single tear flows, down my face forerunner of the flood for now, a simple act of grace cannot be met by blood. No light, no hope, no way of power redeems me, from my fate, in this place, within this hour my task, to sit and wait. The darkness crowds, with choices made that led me to this place, all the power I have, will fade for I have lost the race. Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown |
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| © Copyright 2003 Lynne Dale - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Ada'doLisdo'ti Member
since 2002-12-10
Posts 123California |
Written well and with feeling...enjoyed reading it. Of all I've lost; I miss my innocence the most. |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Kethry, Well thought , well written, if I might suggest... 6th stanza, third line, to me seems to lacking a syllable "in this place, within this hour" Perhaps "as in this place, within this hour"? On re-reading this, I also noticed this variation in the third line, 4th stanza and third line 7th stanza. Perhaps this was your intent, if so forget all the above. Doc Doc [This message has been edited by Dr.Moose1 (01-15-2003 07:20 PM).] |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
Doc, Thanks for the comment, I think it's an accent variation. My accents are a little differnt from yours and I frequently have slurred accents. I don't actually count I just write what sounds right to my ear. Still I am willing to revise and you have a good suggestion here, I will look at it again when I have some distance. Keth Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown |
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EagleScorpion Senior Member
since 2000-03-08
Posts 1644Here, Now, Forever |
no kethry, you did not lose the race. you are winning. |
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Dark Kisses Member
since 2001-06-24
Posts 364Flat lands of Kansas |
Nicely expressed and beautifully written. As for me, I also feel at times I am losing the *race*, so to speak. One step forward, two steps back.................. A friend, like a candle, is most needed in the darkness. |
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EagleOne Member Elite
since 2000-03-07
Posts 2829Between a laugh and a tear... |
Ya know the race is never really over! Great read, thoroughly enjoyed! I don't know where I'm running now, I'm just running on... ~ Jackson Browne |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
I think you did an excellent job, Keth. After all, this IS the Dark forum and this is a dark, hopeless poem. You set a perfect mood of despair and maintained it well...nice work. |
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