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Dark Poetry #3

Wish

GeorgiaPaver
Junior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 15
Savannah, GA

0 posted 2002-12-02 07:02 PM

Alone in the dark
The only sound
My own breathing

Tears of pain
Trace paths
Down my face

As I wish
Something could be done
To end this pain

fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

1 posted 2002-12-03 12:14 PM

Nice and short poem. The end is somewhat awkward with its repetition of the word pain.

"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"

-- Magus

D edgar Grey
Member

since 2002-08-21

Posts 174
Hell...(aka Wisconsin)

2 posted 2002-12-03 07:40 PM

I really enjoyed this piece...very simple yet to the point...but I have to concur with the last statement.

If homosexuality is a disease, let's all call in queer to work: "Hello. Can't work today, still queer." (If only...>; P)

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

3 posted 2002-12-04 03:07 AM

I think we all wish the pain would go away...James

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

4 posted 2002-12-18 12:25 PM

I'd like to see the poem you'd write in response to this one, and I'm enjoying your economy of language, here.

GG
Member Elite

since 2002-12-03

Posts 3532
Lost in thought

5 posted 2002-12-23 07:12 PM

I think we all can relate a little too much..
Sitting in the dark, alone struggling but breathing heavy.. short and to the point. Reminded me of my own pain..

Take care
Merry Christ-mas to you
Always, Alyssa

- And so it was that time stood still -

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