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bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

0 posted 2002-11-25 12:32 PM

She challenges my right to sleep,
though these days it is a feat
to wake before the first crow caws.

I hate her. She knows my flaws.
I hate her. Her mind still gnaws.
I hate her. The blood she draws.
I hate her. I hate her. I hate her.

She gives me pause.

brian sites
Senior Member

since 2002-06-25

Posts 1475
usa

1 posted 2002-11-25 02:55 PM

pounding drums

chant
chant
chant
chant chant chant

I hope this put you in a better place
dance the trance
or is it?
tongue in cheek
caws claws and grinding jaws

inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-19

Posts 7392
Ohio

2 posted 2002-11-25 04:47 PM

yea right, you hate the wrench so much, it
consumes you.......

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

3 posted 2002-11-25 05:13 PM

Inspired by a Ministry song, Flashback.

Mikey

majnu

Senior Member

since 2002-10-13

Posts 1088
SF Bay Area

4 posted 2002-11-25 05:17 PM

i don't know the band you refer to, but the near maniacal nature of the repetition was cool; it gave the piece real edge.

SecondThought
New Member

since 2002-11-26

Posts 3
Here for now

5 posted 2002-11-26 02:55 PM

I agree with majnu, it's edgy in a good way. It does have a chant like quality to it that makes it work.

wranx
Member Elite

since 2002-06-07

Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn

6 posted 2002-11-26 11:14 PM

A pause like this....is more like a bad case of hiccups.

But, you know I understand this

Ed

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

7 posted 2002-11-27 12:21 PM

The pause sometimes refreshes, heh?

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

8 posted 2002-11-27 03:29 PM

Thanks everyone. Y'know, this is the first time I've ever written "I hate you" to an ex. Quite liberating.

(I've spoken it plenty of times -- but never went the next step to writing it)

Thanks for the indulgence. Have a happy Thanksgiving!

Mike

EagleOne
Member Elite

since 2000-03-07

Posts 2829
Between a laugh and a tear...

9 posted 2002-11-27 07:23 PM

Excellent, I love the “chant” feel to it.

Maybe all one can do is hope to end up with the right regrets. ~Arthur Miller

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