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bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

0 posted 2002-11-22 01:21 PM

after K.C.

Wrap me in your hollow legs
so I won’t look at sky.
Tempt me with your galaxy,
but it don’t help my eyes.

Destroy focus and the feeling.
The sun is bright and skin is peeling.
I stay up when I should sleep
to listen to you sleep.

The pillows there were angel-soft.
Our wings were torn on wire.
I wrapped you tightly in my sheets
and lay you in the fire.

Destroy focus and the feeling.
The sun is bright -- its moving, reeling.
I stay up and count the trees
moving in the breeze.

Love the plastic stance of men
and the plastic stares of sun.
Love the plastic stares of men
and the plastic star, the sun.

With your gun you shot the sky.
The sun is kneeling in the sea.
And I stay up when I should sleep
to listen to you weep to me.

neveah5
Member

since 2002-11-22

Posts 197
Ohio

1 posted 2002-11-22 09:36 PM

I like this..especially the very last part. Thought provoking definately..

inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-19

Posts 7392
Ohio

2 posted 2002-11-22 10:48 PM

very passionate and moving,
dont fully understand it , but theres a lot
of intrigue and guts put into this.......
thanks for unloading

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

3 posted 2002-11-22 11:00 PM

I like this. It's got a good rhythm and cadence. For the non-technical side, it's got loads of emotion. I really see you progressing with your work Mike.

wranx
Member Elite

since 2002-06-07

Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn

4 posted 2002-11-23 12:21 PM

Squirrel dude,

The rest was nice, more than, in fact.
But this,

"The sun is kneeling in the sea.
And I stay up when I should sleep
to listen to you weep to me."

My, my

Ed

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

5 posted 2002-11-24 02:52 PM

I wrote this a few years ago, and it was junk. So I fixed it, and reposted it.

Thanks, all. It's about Kurt Cobain, in a way.

SecondThought
New Member

since 2002-11-26

Posts 3
Here for now

6 posted 2002-11-26 02:59 PM

It certainly isn't junk now. I'd say you did a great job in fixing it, though I didn't read it when it was broken.

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

7 posted 2002-11-27 05:41 PM

Thank you, SecondThought.

Mike

coyote
Senior Member

since 2001-03-17

Posts 1077

8 posted 2002-12-01 11:28 PM

Hey Mike,

Ya really fixed it finely.
And btw:
Kurt surfaced in a bathtub with Plath.
In one of Walt's pieces in Open.
Check it out?

coyote

"The greatest of all faults is to be conscious of none."
Thomas Carlyle

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

9 posted 2002-12-02 12:35 PM

Heh heh. I'll have to look for that.

MIdsummerRain
Member

since 2002-05-19

Posts 175
St. Louis, Missouri

10 posted 2002-12-03 03:03 AM

"...Love the plastic stance of men
and the plastic stares of sun.
Love the plastic stares of men
and the plastic star, the sun..."

Ahhhh...Its so good to "read" you again; You know, for the life of me I cant figure out why this particular stanza just stood out -it comes out so simple, yet weaves such an intricate pattern- & for the record, I'll not be leaving again [Yes, Yes, I missed all of you!] -Rayne

One day Men will look back & say
that I gave birth to the 20th Century

Jack the Ripper ~1888

MIdsummerRain
Member

since 2002-05-19

Posts 175
St. Louis, Missouri

11 posted 2002-12-03 03:05 AM

"...Love the plastic stance of men
and the plastic stares of sun.
Love the plastic stares of men
and the plastic star, the sun..."

Ahhhh...Its so good to "read" you again; You know, for the life of me I cant figure out why this particular stanza just stood out -it comes out so simple, yet weaves such an intricate pattern- & for the record, I'll not be leaving again [Yes, Yes, I missed all of you!] -Rayne

One day Men will look back & say
that I gave birth to the 20th Century

Jack the Ripper ~1888

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

12 posted 2002-12-03 12:51 PM

Glad your back. May the darkness spread.

Moon Dust

Member Elite

since 1999-06-11

Posts 2177
Skelmersdale, UK

13 posted 2002-12-03 07:21 PM

I liked it, r u sure it was Junk b4?

If your afraid of the dark, then why did you come?

Moon Dust

Member Elite

since 1999-06-11

Posts 2177
Skelmersdale, UK

14 posted 2002-12-03 07:22 PM

I liked it, r u sure it was Junk b4?

If your afraid of the dark, then why did you come?

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

15 posted 2002-12-04 11:47 AM

Well, it was definitely unpolished before.

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