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Dark Poetry #3
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Gypsy Soul
| Dark Poetry #3 |
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Gypsy Soul |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia 
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Sometimes I am too malleable. Why can't I just stand firm against the bend of self-will, the constant need for thrills, always a gypsy heart on the run. Forgive me I said, for I know not what I do. I never meant to hurt you. It's just that I am afraid of cement mixers and bedrock, and of establishing deep roots. Tomorrow I shall pack, again. The road over the hill suddenly appeals to me, and my feet are restless to try a new pathway, away from myself, perhaps. Forgive me, please. For gypsy souls are doomed to forever keep moving ahead, even when the road seems to be going nowhere. [This message has been edited by Midnitesun (11-17-2002 10:49 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Kathleen Kacy Stafford - All Rights Reserved | |||
majnu
since 2002-10-13
Posts 1088SF Bay Area |
she's like the wind eh? a strangely touching portrayal of wanderlust and an apologetic restless soul. nothing particularly jumps out. but the tone is so soft, and melancholy, that you can feel the unwilling need to move on. i suggest axing the bit about silly putty. it hurts the tone; the rest of the poem spends too much effort recovering from that and could be more powerful without it. -majnu |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Hey! Put your ax down.   Just kidding. Actually, I like the suggestion. I re-read it after your reply, and it does seem ? vapid ? weak? Yep, the silly putty has to die. It was originally clay, until I read your clay poetry.  |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
This was a good poem. Your description of an internal conflict with yourself was quite well done. However, I must point out that your last stanza was slightly awkward gramatically: Forgive me, please. For gypsy souls are doomed to forever keep moving ahead, even when the road seems to be going nowhere. Perhaps you might have said "For gypsy souls are doomed / forever / to keep moving ahead," But that is just my own suggestion. The split infinitive of "to forever / keep moving ahead," makes the stanza awkward. Other than that, however, I really liked this poem. I liked your Biblical allusion. That contributed to the lack of direction in the speaker's life in which he knows not what he is doing nor where he is going. "If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh" |
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inkedgoddess Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392Ohio |
this resonates with me also, you have depicted this feeling of restlessness and unsettlement very well |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
Oooh, I really really like this  No, on second thought, let's not go to Camelot. |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Thanks for the replies friends! Fractal? You are right, it is an awkward line, I just didn't let it 'mellow' long enough to see that myself. THANKS! I do enjoy it when someone can help smooth out a rough edge. |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Reminds me of the movie Chocolat, before she decides to live for herself, after all. |
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