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Dark Poetry #3
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Mind Your Manners Now
| Dark Poetry #3 |
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Mind Your Manners Now |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Forgive me and forget about my iniquities for I am a social animal and my own lies are what protect me from you and your probing gaze. I have an imperfect picture of you, but am forever locked in a prison of etiquette, escaping only in the shadowy conversations I'll have later. Behind your back I'll tell of all the blemishes I saw in your impregnable tall etiquette, describing the words you spoke and the gestures you made. No one will know what we have said and we will nodd to one another at other occasions, forgetting the things we've seen eachother do and say. From me to you And you to me. "If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh" |
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| © Copyright 2002 fractal007 - All Rights Reserved | |||
quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
ah ha!! i found you!  and i'm glad i did. i haven't seen your work in a long time. excellent write as usual.  i'd critique it, but i'm so out of it. i've been working midnights lately, and yeah. i get stupid when i'm tired. heh. /jen/ what if they gave a war, and nobody came... |
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majnu
since 2002-10-13
Posts 1088SF Bay Area |
quite cool. an indictment of the pretenses of "civilized" society - no wonder i never get invited back to parties. i guess its like The Fonz used to say - bull**** makes the world go round. the 2nd and 3rd stanzas are really impressive. especially the way etiquette is in the exact same place in both - it really frames what you are trying to say and makes the contrast that much more vivid. i don't understand the finishing couplet. i thought the poem should have been over at the end of the 4th stanza. |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Majnu and others: I am glad somebody noticed my final couplet. I put it there to give the poem the feel of a letter. Recall all the other images and concepts I use throughout the poem. The idea at the end of the poem is to show that the backstabbing and bull**** go both ways. Not only is it the speaker who is engaging in the thoughts and observations of the poem but also the person addressed. Both are talking about one another behind eachother's back. So, in essence, I used the final couplet to poke one last bit of fun at social pretence. Not only is it one person who is gossiping and backstabbing his "victim", but also the victim him/herself. Anyhow, glad you all liked the poem. I know what you mean, QuietlyDying, about getting kinda stupid when tired. It's at night that I like to write most, but that's only until I start to doze off and write garbage, lol.  "If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh" |
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majnu
since 2002-10-13
Posts 1088SF Bay Area |
fractal, i understand what you are saying about the couplet. however, i feel it is redundant; it's like an appendix to the poem - doesn't really do anything either way, and could be done without. |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
OK. Perhaps I will try to rework the poem and re-release it. I myself have been wondering, in retrospect, about the fouth stanza. I am not as impressed with it as I am with the rest. But now that you mention it I think I will try to write something with the four that does not include the final "appendix" as you call it. Besides, hehe, the fourth stanza reworked sounds like a good opportunity to conclude with the idea of the last couplet. Thankyou for your help here, Majnu. I'll be keeping an eye on you as well to see if there's anything I can do to return the favour. "If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh" |
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