Dark Poetry #3 |
Spun Again |
esclandre Member
since 2001-06-11
Posts 62Northern California |
Spun Again ©2002 Esclandre Allain I cast silence into a well of defiance: bristling, whistling, humming a tune in tune with the hum of a silver dollar as it spins on the tabletop, begging for release on the flip-flop of your shadow… smothering mine in chattering lines of another sleepless night. Je le Rêve, je Pleure |
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© Copyright 2002 Esclandre Allain - All Rights Reserved | |||
majnu
since 2002-10-13
Posts 1088SF Bay Area |
i dislike such short lines. you do not earn at all the implied profoundness of a single word alone on a line. that said the poem is good read aloud. the image of a coin spinning, wanting to stop, and the alternating shadows it casts is great. |
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esclandre Member
since 2001-06-11
Posts 62Northern California |
Thank you for reading manju. Everyone has their own taste and I appreciate your opinion. I utilized the short lines hoping to accentuate the clipped motions one sees in someone on methamphetamines. esclandre |
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Chameleon Member
since 2002-08-07
Posts 99Australia |
this is good. i like, cause the movement definately attracts the attention. |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
I absolutely loved how this flowed down the page without missing a beat of thought! The way you captured the defiance in this poem was excellent. Read Serenity in Open sometime you have a very similar style to hers. I enjoy it when a poem says this much in so few words, great job! |
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