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Dark Poetry #3

The one's who know me

Xeonox

Senior Member

since 2000-04-01

Posts 1764
CA, USA

0 posted 2002-09-25 01:55 AM

To the people who claim to know me,
The feelings that they show me,
I am fooling myself
All the while toying with your emotions,

I need to be alone and figure myself out,
Before I became a riot,
Blaming god, you and myself,
Help me if I am fool, who wants all,
Seeing you only as tools,

I can’t focus on love and lust,
Mixing water and oil-
Not allowed,
So for now I must let you all go,
Till I start thinking right,

Life Brights are on-
And I am blinded-
Don’t want to let you feeling cheated,
From all this mess I created,

Forgive me for I have sinned,
Led you singing the same tune,
As I set the lure,

Help me, who heeds these words,
Each one a curse as I speak them,
Reality bounces me with no stop,
Till I live alone,
For I have come alone here,
And so shall I be alone.

Ronil (A mask for everyday. Imagine a life without them.)

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

1 posted 2002-09-25 02:34 PM

Hi, California girl!

Don't you hate that? I'm in Encino and I hate it. And I'm not even a girl.

Ahem, strangeness out of the way, onto the critique...

Basically, there's a lot of words in here that can be excised for a cleaner, quicker, more deadly read. Honing the edge, so to speak. But, I'm also at work, and really shouldn't be doing this on company time, so ...

Here's the phrases that stuck with me:

Before I became a riot,
Blaming god, you and myself,
Help me if I am fool, who wants all,
Seeing you only as tools,

I can’t focus on love and lust,

Life Brights are on-
And I am blinded-
Don’t want to let you feeling cheated,
From all this mess I created,

Led you singing the same tune,
As I set the lure,

For I have come alone here,
And so shall I be alone.

Get the idea?

PoeticGoddessOfDepression
Member

since 2002-07-02

Posts 439
I am everywhere

2 posted 2002-09-26 09:47 PM

Wow...
I really liked this.
Confusion plays a big part in this..(so it seems to me)

keep it going.

!sara!

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