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Dark Poetry #3
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The Sun's Final Loss
| Dark Poetry #3 |
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The Sun's Final Loss |
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D edgar Grey Member
since 2002-08-21
Posts 174Hell...(aka Wisconsin) |
Night slowly creeps in Elusive and silent Daylight streams across Its darkening sky Earth cools from within Life flows upon it Dew forms on moss Unable to deny Light gives into sin Earth no longer lit This is the final loss As I slowly die "cherry blossoms" |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Nice description of the collective despair felt by human and earth alike. "If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh" |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
 This is the second time you've ended a poem with I slowly die (remember the faucet's demise?). Never ever end a poem the same way twice -- each poem should be a destination that leaves you at an ending no one thought they'd end up at. It should be an exploration not just for the reader, but for the writer.I loved the first two stanzas though. Maybe be brave and post it without the third? Just a thought. Enjoyin' yr posts. |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
I must say, BSquirrel, that's an interesting idea you've got there. But don't be surprised to see a series of poems here that rebels against your style by featuring the same ending in every poem. "If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh" |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
I dunno, I guess I just feel, if you've already said it once, why say it again? Surely, a person can write hundreds of poems about death, and none of them would have to end with the obvious. For me, a poem is about getting away from the obvious, toward something surprising to both the writer and the reader. For me. I realize. |
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