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Dark Poetry #3

Discarded Memories

Zall
Member

since 2002-08-25

Posts 214
London, England

0 posted 2002-09-24 03:36 AM

Discarded memories
Like back alley underwear
The airline tags torn from my suitcase
Removed briskly but still clinging

Goodbyes said once more
Faces lined in sorrow and anger
Back to normality
I feel nothing

anya
Member

since 2002-07-27

Posts 393
London, UK

1 posted 2002-09-24 04:18 AM

'the airline tags torn from my suitcase' that is such a good metaphor, well done. Anyway I liked this poem very much, you created some very good imagery

Anya

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

2 posted 2002-09-24 08:08 AM

short..concise imagery that conveys the let down from a good bye not embraced

I enjoyed

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

3 posted 2002-09-24 12:59 PM

I enjoyed these lines, Zall. The only one I'd consider changing is "Back alley underwear," simply because it doesn't go with the rest of the stanza.

I wrote a poem like this once, called 71 11F A NO.

That was the plane ticket number.

I know where you're comin' from.

Zall
Member

since 2002-08-25

Posts 214
London, England

4 posted 2002-09-25 03:25 AM

Thanks guys,

BSQ, I didn't like that line either.

Zall

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