serenity dreams of fevered sleep

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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

0 posted 2002-09-15 08:10 PM

I swooned upon awakening--
my feet too numb to find the floor...
remembering a time portal
of vivid green
plasticene
grasses waving in the wind
topped with spires of lavender
and breeze that smiled
with mother's love
watching children play--
in a distant place and time
I noticed it was you and me,
but the not way we are today--
my hair was blonde by grace of sun--
our skin was bronzed
by carefree rhyme
of journey's endless days of time
games of paradise, encore...
free, just free, in moments now
that somehow happened NOW and then.

You ran ahead toward the wood
with just a creek of boundary
but I had grown a foot of leg
and startled you with game of chase--
so you ran for covered leaves
for hide and seek amongst the trees.
I watched you, with the grace of stag--
sure hoof on the slippery rock
you hopped in perfect pirhouette
and turned to me to mock
knowing I would not concede--
I tried the same, and lost my grip,
falling backward in the wash,
my face was pissed embarrassment
as I heard you laugh out loud
hands on hip in glee...
in the water then I found
a stone that fit
hand's symmetry--
without a hesitation then
the huntress aimed
and caught her game--
square between the eyes.

Then my turn to laugh out loud,
even still in damp of creek.
I saw your eyes affrontery
and felt a twinge of some unease.
Oh yes, you charged and straddled me
there within the wash of creek--
I closed my eyes awaiting death--
but then? you kissed me--honey sweet...

I saw you smile in victory.

I smiled too--glad of defeat.

And then the fever broke.

wranx
Member Elite

since 2002-06-07

Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn

1 posted 2002-09-15 08:48 PM

Damn! Can't even count on a fever dream.

Well, sounded like it was a fine feverish frolic.

This was better'n good, witch.

~Ed

devina
Member Elite

since 1999-10-28

Posts 3539
Cali

2 posted 2002-09-15 11:55 PM

I just LOVE this sis!! It is SO SO you and it's beautiful!!!

"my face was pissed embarrassment"- have had this one many of times...and aaron has the nicks to prove it!! grins.

this was an excellent trip into you Karen!!

Open arms can be the most fragile in the world...

fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

3 posted 2002-09-16 01:04 AM

This is a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, I must say. But I really liked the imagery. I noticed you were working with an iambic rhythm. It did make the poem a little too forced, for me, in certain parts. Especially in this line:

I watched you, with the grace of stag--

I might have changed this to

I watched you, with the grace of a stag--

That, IMHO, would not have taken much from the overall rhythm of the piece. Anyhow, other than that, this was, as is usually the case with your writing, quite a marvelous piece.

"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"

-- Magus

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

4 posted 2002-09-16 02:39 AM

yanno frac? that line bugs me too--but only because ownership of just who has the grace of stag is questionable...and I am quite amazed at any mention of meter--giggling? was quite an accident if it's so--don't know diddly 'bout that stuff. I was just trying to get the dream down before it faded. I'd love to say it was poetic device? but naw...it really was a dream, and blech, I still have the fever, so...hello I must be going...I'm still feeling pretty rotten, but thank you--I will hopefully be able to come back to read in the morn.

Thanks m'sis...and I checked the yahoo...still nothing? hmmmm....I could have done one of those drunken delete things too...hey, what can I say? IT HAPPENS.

love ya

Ed...thank you as well, and yep, I'm going back to couch...dreams are the only good thing about fever, and I don't wanna miss any of the movies, yanno?

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

5 posted 2002-09-16 11:57 AM

Sen,
Such beauty of thought and dream, here.
It made me sad, in a good way.
Thank you for sharing this.

(now to rip a new one with "Insubordinate eyes

)

Mikey

brian sites
Senior Member

since 2002-06-25

Posts 1475
usa

6 posted 2002-09-17 03:04 AM

oh why did the fver break?
was it the vivid dream
or the talent of the dreamer
that brought this tableau
to life
you know my answer
you are a wonder
can i read your
fever
fervor
forever?

fervently,
brine

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

7 posted 2002-09-17 03:54 AM

brine?

*licking salty lips*

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

8 posted 2002-09-17 04:57 AM

Now wasn't this a gem? Lady I hope you post your dreams more often, however, for some reason this one left me kind of with a sad feeling for some reason. But your choice of words in your images were very "Serenity", and isn't nice to be known as something very "Serenity"? Enjoyed!

The most valuable thing you own is a smile, wear it, and share it.

Sharon

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