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Dark Poetry #3
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.I Never Asked.
| Dark Poetry #3 |
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.I Never Asked. |
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PoeticGoddessOfDepression Member
since 2002-07-02
Posts 439I am everywhere |
(I think this is kinda dumb...) Fragile memories are clouding what is left of me. My little angel wings, you've burned and stole away from me. You open your arms, I turn away. I never asked to feel this way. I cannot think, I cannot taste, I never want to ever see your face. Mixing remedies, but none can cure what you've done to me. "it's okay" you sing, but i am not believing.... You open your arms, I turn away. I never asked to feel this way. I cannot think, I cannot taste, I never want to ever see your face. I opened my heart, I came unglued. I should have never trusted you. I cannot think, I cannot taste, Go find another soul to waste. *(geez… this just kinda ends. I donno, I don’t like it. The stupid guy it’s for wouldn't like it either… Even though it’s stupid, just like him…  oh yeah, and i don't think that "My little angel wings, you've burned and stole away from me." is propper english... too bad!)* "if i'd known you were gone for 3 days i'd have missed you." you opened your arms. |
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| © Copyright 2002 Sara Nicole - All Rights Reserved | |||
bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Sara, I like it just fine. Mike |
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Dragon Mistress Member
since 2002-08-26
Posts 289Washington, USA. |
Its nice. I dont see why you would think it wasnt. But then again its said, we are the hardest judges on ourselves. Good work though. ~*~I'm only a dreamer, with broken dreams, and only words to fall back on~*~ |
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D edgar Grey Member
since 2002-08-21
Posts 174Hell...(aka Wisconsin) |
I know where you're coming from. Most of my work I completely dispise, no matter what other people say about it (of course, IF they say anything. Usually they're too busy telling me I'm really "scary" or "screwed up."). However, this is a haunting piece. In a lot of stuff I've read, the emotions seem fake or exaggerated. This one, however, conveys a true feeling of disgusted-ness, anger, and self-loathing. The grammar (the part you pointed out, anyway) wasn't perfect--but then again, I'm a little too obsessive about grammar and stuff. I really connected with this piece, and I feel that it's one of the better pieces I've read so far. Very nice! |
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brian sites Senior Member
since 2002-06-25
Posts 1475usa |
Sara these are lyrics to a song that you heard inside read them as such I felt a rhythm and there is a chorus and an ending kicker this is great! I hear these sung with sparse guitar and voicedarts brian |
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devinechild22 Senior Member
since 2002-08-28
Posts 571 |
sara, I wish you wouldn`t say your stuff is bad. I`ve read a lot of it an I thought it was really good. Hey go with brian it sounds like a song, a really good song, to me too.I think that you are a really good writer andi`m gonna go read some more of your stuff right now. Allison  |
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PoeticGoddessOfDepression Member
since 2002-07-02
Posts 439I am everywhere |
Mike... Thanks Mike.. but I had a feeling you'd say that...((())) Dragon Mistress... I guess what they say is true. But as D edgar Grey said, I too, almost always hate what I write... I think it's just because I know (or think) that I was capable of doing better...? maybe? D edger Grey... I don't think you're scary or screwed up. My emotions are raging at the moment, so I'm not surprised that you could tell they were not at all fake. But, yes, my grammar isn't perfect, but it didn't make too much of a deal to me. Brian... You've always had something nice too say. And I thank you greatly. Allison... I'm glad you like what I've been writing. Maybe you know a little more about me that you never knew before. This particular piece is about Calvin..  he makes me so mad. My quote's about him too. Go ahead, say it, I'm obsessed. Well, anyway, I'm gonna get reading (your stuff). Ttys (talk to you soon) Thanks again to everyone!! ~sara |
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