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wranx
Member Elite

since 2002-06-07

Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn

0 posted 2002-08-19 09:45 PM

I hesitated posting this in "Open", so it shall reside in "Dark".

We met in a bar
Across the fence
Of neighboring stools
A quaint acquaintance

“Stranger?”
“To you, at least”
“You?”
“Sometimes”

Chitchatted bar snacks
Pursued meatier matters
Her? A schoolteacher
Me? Outlaw, alluded

Would she like?
Would I like?

Hers? Too far
Mine? Too close
Too messy
Too crowded

Motel, mentioned
Seconded
No quorum quandaries
A unanimous pass

And we two
Crowded close into
Her quick trip Cadillac
(A schoolteacher?)

No check check-in
Cash only green
Plastic numbered tag
Allows access
To the Rumple Room

Starting clean
With shower show
Showing pierced nipple
(An odd accessory in “72”)
(A teacher, she said)

I exit bath to smoke
Search, find her purse
A light inside?
Too heavy, surprise
5 shot snubnose
Not polite, nor lady-like
(Schoolteacher?)

Cylinder swings open
Empties into palm
No pockets!

Scatters of brass
Into parking lot
As if feeding
Automobile chickens

And turn back
Toward the bed
To wait and see
Just what it is
I might learn from this
Schoolteacher

~wranx

In reply to "which way do we go?", the answer was never "straight", but, "progressively forward".

~wranx~

[This message has been edited by wranx (08-20-2002 05:07 PM).]

brian sites
Senior Member

since 2002-06-25

Posts 1475
usa

1 posted 2002-08-20 12:31 PM

quite a teacher!
I was laughing TOO hard at visual of throwing bullets around the parking lot like feeding chickens
This is like the old narratives
but leaner
and mixed with the newer wordplay
A Schoolteacher?
brian

I never aimed at reality; I aimed at truth. --Orson Welles

News_From_Nowhere
Member

since 2002-06-14

Posts 173
CU, NY

2 posted 2002-08-20 01:52 AM

And on that oblique note, CLASS DISMISSED!
Powerful, and yet playful in it's dark imagery.
Again, you perfectly manipulate words.
I was impressed and amused.

"So give life to your dreams, for there lies your survival, and cast your heart beyond those faded scenes, and I'll bring you through the storm

E
New Member

since 2002-08-19

Posts 7
between the rouge

3 posted 2002-08-20 08:03 PM

I like your sound. Lovely to chew.

Ariel was always my favorite babe.

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

4 posted 2002-08-21 12:10 PM

Bullets as chicken feed, a snub nose in a purse, and a pierced nipple shower show.

Hope you studied for the evening.

M.

WhileIWasGone
Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 486

5 posted 2002-08-21 01:13 PM

Smooches....

ti amo
DeaDiAmore

arthur
Senior Member

since 2001-08-14

Posts 678
england

6 posted 2002-08-21 05:31 PM

way beyond my horizon of experiance
arthur

fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

7 posted 2002-08-21 07:45 PM

Whoa! I like your style. This poem is well done, with an intriguing sense of rhythm.

"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"

-- Magus

Scarlet Lady
Member

since 2000-02-11

Posts 242
Midwest

8 posted 2002-08-24 03:33 AM

OMG!!! Just had to absolutely roll!!! Yet.......fantisize! Gez....what ya tryin to do to a gal??? What a piece here ( a 5 shot snubnose)?? I was very "amuzzzzzzzzed". It takes A LOT to amuse me. Anyway, enough of my rambling. Just a great, great, read for me personally. I thinks I might of even been the school teacher!!!

Purity
Senior Member

since 2001-11-20

Posts 526
Once Upon, USA

9 posted 2002-08-24 03:37 AM

And if only all had the keen insight into the true nature of automobile chickens...

Only you, wranx, friend. Only you. "Waiter, I'll have the witty sardonism on wry...thank you."

Good job.

[This message has been edited by Purity (08-24-2002 03:42 AM).]

News_From_Nowhere
Member

since 2002-06-14

Posts 173
CU, NY

10 posted 2002-08-24 03:51 AM

Those chitchatted barsnacks... it was chit, right?
Can't get that taste outta my oriface
Nice, humorous, "Catcher in the Rye"
kinda flow.
Oops, I said rye...pun intended

"So give life to your dreams, for there lies your survival, and cast your heart beyond those faded scenes, and I'll bring you through the storm

Zall
Member

since 2002-08-25

Posts 214
London, England

11 posted 2002-08-25 07:02 PM

Love the 'automobile chickens'

chitsank
Member

since 2002-08-13

Posts 88

12 posted 2002-08-26 12:30 PM

Iliked this one. LOL

Dragon Mistress
Member

since 2002-08-26

Posts 289
Washington, USA.

13 posted 2002-08-26 05:16 AM

Boy did I get quite the picture when I saw this school teacher. Hmm...great work! Me like!! hehe

littlewing
Member Rara Avis

since 2003-03-02

Posts 9655
New York

14 posted 2003-08-24 10:39 AM

this is wayy to good to hide . . .
*evil grin*
xxoo

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