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WhiteRose
Member Elite

since 2002-07-23

Posts 3208
somebody's dungeon

0 posted 2002-08-10 06:56 PM

I'll write until my fingers ache
hoping my heart will cease to break
and then I'll write some more and more
I'll write from dusk until the morn
and even then my heart will break
again, again, I'll feel it quake
and crumble deadly in my chest
still my pen, it will not rest.

WhiteRose

In truth, what defines us is our poetry.

[This message has been edited by WhiteRose (08-10-2002 10:55 PM).]

paper doll
Member

since 2002-08-04

Posts 133
Floating on Uncertainty

1 posted 2002-08-10 10:30 PM

Writing is good for these sorts of emotions. It's so much more easier than a punching bag.

One qualm I do have with it (and I'm sorry if this is a little harsh), the rhyme seems forced. These lines in particular,

quote:

and then I'll write some more and more
I'll write through night into the morn

For a short piece it is well written but I feel that you could have done a lot more with it. Nonetheless, thank you for posting it.

~M

Imagination=nostalgia for the past, the absent; it is the liquid solution in which art develops the snapshots of reality.

WhiteRose
Member Elite

since 2002-07-23

Posts 3208
somebody's dungeon

2 posted 2002-08-10 10:51 PM

I changed that line just today because I felt the one that was there didn't fit. It used to say. "I'll write till I can write no more". I didn't like the use of the word "more" twice and then in the end of the poem I was writing again so I couldn't have stopped. So you are exactly right, it does seem forced now. Thank you for pointing that out.

hmmmm...I changed it but I'm not sure I like that either. I'll keep thinking about it.

In truth, what defines us is our poetry.

[This message has been edited by WhiteRose (08-10-2002 10:55 PM).]

StarrGazer
Senior Member

since 2000-03-05

Posts 679
Texas

3 posted 2002-08-11 02:24 PM

Something I can relate to well ... I've often wopndered why I write when I'm upset but I'm compelled to do so the answers don't matter
I hope you figure out the wording to suit you it is a very good write.

Moon Dust

Member Elite

since 1999-06-11

Posts 2177
Skelmersdale, UK

4 posted 2002-08-11 06:22 PM

Heartbreak is never a good thing but at least u have your muse to help you

If your afraid of the dark, then why did you come?

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