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Dark Poetry #3
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Side by Side by Side
| Dark Poetry #3 |
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Side by Side by Side |
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allan Senior Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 620On the road 
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Fast Fwd >> 'What did you say?' I said. 'I said I spoke.' You said. << Rewind We kissed on the step when I walked you home I breathed your perfume I felt your hair on my cheek and felt complete inside. Fast Fwd >> 'Did you?' 'No.' 'Why not?' 'I don't know.' 'Why not?' '?!' << Rewind I take you to the movies with a twinge of fear I can only think of you Beside me, so gently near. Fast Fwd >> We walked down the aisle Side by side. Together. Us two. Smile on smile on smile. Forever... Fast Fwd >> You leave for work with a peck on the cheek Such a cold cheek and gone. A distant ache catches my heart. I wonder what went wrong. Fast Fwd >> I'm not me anymore. You are not you. I say 'I love you' to satisfy your pride. But I lied. I lied. I lied. I shout. You shout. I hate. You hate. We cry and cry inside. When I said 'My love is forever.' I didn't know I lied. Forever was so short for our love. We parted our bond of body and mind And denied. denied. denied. |_| Stop We stand and look with empty eyes at the corpse of our love and the distance so wide. And now the tears fall And the heart is sore. Now that it's too late we let down our pride We look deep in tear-filled eyes. Side by side by side. | | Pause Play > Maybe we could have been other. Maybe we could have tried. But someway a darker world crept deeper and deeper inside. But we still see each other every now and then. And we talk so easy. Gentle now. As friends. Side by side by side |
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| © Copyright 2002 Allan Tierney - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Match Member
since 2002-07-01
Posts 286Canada Edmonton |
I love the style of it , its a very good poem, it lets us glimpse the past and the future , I dont know what else to say , I loved your poem . Do I dare to look at whats really there, |
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devina Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539Cali |
"I say 'I love you' to satisfy your pride. But I lied. I lied. I lied." Been here just the same...won't even begin to count... This was a clever expression on your part... very good stuff... Open arms can be the most fragile in the world... |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
Ditto Devina. Very clever. Love seems, somehow, destined to die. (I've had to kill it a couple of times) ~wranx "Writing is a perfectly natural thing to do...provided it's done in private and you wash your hands afterward"....Heinlein. |
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deep_thought Junior Member
since 2002-06-28
Posts 24 |
Very innovative. Loved it.  "Change is the only constant" |
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arthur Senior Member
since 2001-08-14
Posts 678england |
if poetry is about describing experiances in a precise yet novel way then this is poetry well done love it arthur |
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allan Senior Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 620On the road |
Thank you all very much for your kind comments... |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Hey you...haven't seen you about for awhile--but it could just be ME--I AM oblivious. This is a wonderful portrayal of the life and death and resurrection/transformation of love. The format is fabulous. I am so glad that I popped into the Dark tonight. This is inspired writing, m'friend. |
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allan Senior Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 620On the road |
Thank you very much Serenity. No, you are right I have been away for quite a time. I think the modern age is addling my brain! Thank you for your lovely comments...  |
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Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136Mobile, AL |
You know..I loved this. Its something that I might one day send to my husband when we begin to build our friendship out of what is left. That will be a long road..I'm sure. Loved this poem. It struck places it was probably meant to. I will not bend to the cowardice of a silent judgement. |
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allan Senior Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 620On the road |
Thank you very much Temptress - I hope you can use it that way. All my best wishes to you... |
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Jessica
since 2001-06-28
Posts 350South AL |
~Allan I don't know how I missed this one. Your format was terrific. The poem would have been great without it but it added to the context and made it seem just a little more defined. Very well writen. ~Jess |
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GoddessofHell Member
since 2002-07-09
Posts 76 |
Great style...Great poem! Enjoyed reading it. Heather |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
this is such a fantastic style of writing... and the content is fab... I loved reading it... Regards, Sudhir |
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allan Senior Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 620On the road |
Thank you all very much. It's very rewarding to read your positive comments. [This message has been edited by allan (07-12-2002 12:25 PM).] |
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blakloks Member
since 2002-06-01
Posts 60 |
wow...i loved the formatting...all that pause, play and stop stuff made the poem really powerful, though it was quite good already...great work! |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Wonderful! She said burn ... together. |
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Anvrill Senior Member
since 2002-06-21
Posts 710in the interzone now |
Awesome style! Content reminds of several Cure songs, but that just shows where my mind is right now."Silly bunny, there are no monsters in here." - Chrys, from Gloom Cookie |
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allan Senior Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 620On the road |
Thank you all for your words. [This message has been edited by allan (07-17-2002 04:26 PM).] |
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