Searching through the frosted window...

All I see is night
and the dying streetlight
that flickers against the snow.
A dead tree--
limbs twisting and reaching--
desecrates my yard,
burns its image into my mind.
The streetlight goes out.
There is nothing.

What have all my prayers meant?
Why is there nothing out there?

The snow covers the roof and the ground
though yesterday it had all been melted,
and all it is to me
is the coldness that has entered my soul.

Spring won’t dawn again;
not in my life.
Spring can’t dawn again
without an answer.

It’s such a simple prayer.

I’m still waiting,
searching through the frosted window,
seeing only the desolate night.

There’s no life out there,
so why do I keep believing?
Believing a fable
to be true.

I press my hand against the frozen glass
and move it to the side.
Cold wind moves back my hair
and freezes my tears.
I don’t have the strength
to end this,
and there’s nothing out there--
in the night--
to take me away.

Put the dream away, little girl.

That’s all you are;
a child.
Nothing will come for you.
No one can turn this life around.
You’re stuck in this godforsaken city.

But still I stare into the night.

Was that movement I just saw?
Only a stray cat,
huddled against the cold.
Only a cat...

Why can’t I see anything else?
Why can’t there be anything else?
Because I’d be throwing everything I have--
what little that is--
away.

It doesn’t seem to matter.
Here and now is all there is.
I need something new,
I need someone now.
All I ask for is a simple exchange:
My messed up life
for another.

Would I be stuck in the night?
I don’t care.

I just need something new,
that breaks through everything before.
An end or a beginning;
who knows.
I don’t.
I don’t care,
because I need something to change;
I need something to give,
or I’m going to snap.