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Dark Poetry #3
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In My Deepest Thought
| Dark Poetry #3 |
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In My Deepest Thought |
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aries_luv_ppl Senior Member
since 2001-09-20
Posts 1448Universal Mind 
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When I look into the mirror at night I see a useless visage of a rose whose beauty admit no light. And whose heart shares no shade of its beauty with her idle nature destroying her petals and revelling in the earthly dust. When the dust returns to the ground so does her future and her life- taken by the breath of foolishness. //please comment on my puntuations and metaphor. My parents think I don't know how to use metaphor //I put it on Critical Analysis but no one give any comment, I hope I will get some responses here. Eliza Simmons |
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| © Copyright 2002 Eliza Simmons - All Rights Reserved | |||
Xeonox
since 2000-04-01
Posts 1764CA, USA |
interesting poem. If you could talk about petals returning to ground and going back where they came from(you know reborn or something) Ronil (A mask for everyday. Imagine a life without them.) |
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Purity Senior Member
since 2001-11-20
Posts 526Once Upon, USA |
"Looking into the mirror at night is like seeing a useless visage of a rose" is the paraphrased metaphor...actually simile.... Tell your parents you have an excellent grasp on the concept, and use it quite eloquently and adamantly. Very proper, very passionate. Very metaphorically "cool"...  |
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Secret Whisper Member
since 2001-01-25
Posts 298Through the Looking Glass |
I think you used a wonderful metaphor in this piece. The only problem with using metaphors (and I do this all the time so don't think I am against it or anything) is that sometimes people WANT to know EXACTLY what you are talking about and they find metaphors confusing. But this one was beautiful and dark all at once. Quod me nutrit me destruit. |
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aries_luv_ppl Senior Member
since 2001-09-20
Posts 1448Universal Mind |
thanks all  You've strengthen me.Eliza Simmons |
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