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navwin » Archives » Dark Poetry #3 » Tpt 4
Dark Poetry #3
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Professor Gloom
Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082
of Depression
0 posted 2001-08-22 05:09 AM

Mister MacGeorge chews,
Tobacco juice dripping down,
Vile words also spews,
And makes Miss Susan to frown,
But he brings her things from town.

Gloom
© Copyright 2001 Aszard Drazlom - All Rights Reserved
Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793
1 posted 2001-08-22 08:30 AM

Mister MacGeorge chews,
Tobacco juice dripping down,
Vile the words he spews,
And makes Miss Susan to frown,
still he brings her things from town

my humble suggestion....

I also wondered if the last line should not have a 5 syllable count to match the first and third....

I like the image created.... vivid and menacing in a way without being....
leafseranade
Member
since 2001-07-06
Posts 118
Wisconsin, USA
2 posted 2001-08-23 04:54 PM

i like this.  Miss Susan doesn't like the things he does but he provides for her.
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navwin » Archives » Dark Poetry #3 » Tpt 4

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