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Tears of Glass
Member

since 2000-12-04

Posts 182
Physically? VA.... Mentally? I'm not quite sure

0 posted 2001-03-09 06:21 PM

How did I get this way?
When did my life take a turn
For the worst?
And when did all my thoughts
Become hateful and negative?
A few years ago,
I would have never thought
I could possibly hate myself
To such an extreme.
But then my life changed,
And I turned fake.

This mask I always hide behind
Gives the illusion that I'm a
Happy person and nothing bothers me.
But that's not me.
The real me is behind that mask,
Crying a million tears for the sake of
Self destruction.
Every day I look into a mirror,
Cringing in disgust,
Not even knowing who's looking back at me.
And every day I hear this
Unrecognizable voice,
Speaking harsh words in my ear,
And urging me to do things
I will never be proud of.

So why me?
Why am I the one tortured by
This beast that has inevitably
Taken over?
Where's that little girl,
That everyone used to adore?
Did I cut her away,
And throw her up too?
Or was she never really there,
Just an illusion of the imagination?
Nonexistant?

I thought I was ready to
Turn down the right path,
And finally set my life straight again.
But now realization has hit me hard,
And I know I will never be
Completely ready to turn around.
This beast has befriended me,
And taken me under its wing.
Without it I know I won't
Be able to make it.
And with it,
My habits will eventually
Break me down,
Little by little
To the point where I don't even
Know if it's possible to carry on.

So what now?
Where do I go from here?
I'm trapped.
And I no longer know
Which way to turn.

I know it's kind of long. I wrote this one at school today too. It's been a rough week. Let me know what you think.

*Jennifer

"My nightmare isn't fearing what I dream... It's waking up, knowing what I'll see."

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

1 posted 2001-03-09 06:25 PM

Hey I think this was written with a sense of desperation. Just needing answers. I'm sorry but I have none for you. All I can hope for is that you do get better. Maybe even seek help......I hope you get well.
Nice poem though, I liked it a lot....thought you wrote it nicely.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Tears of Glass
Member

since 2000-12-04

Posts 182
Physically? VA.... Mentally? I'm not quite sure

2 posted 2001-03-09 06:31 PM

Thanks for your kind comment, Dopey. I noticed that people who read my poetry have been commenting that I should seek help. I just wanted to let everyone know that I am talking to a professional, but thank you for the concern.

*Jennifer

"My nightmare isn't fearing what I dream... It's waking up, knowing what I'll see."

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

3 posted 2001-03-10 12:32 PM

I prefer long poems to short poems so you caught my attention big time with this.

"This mask I always hide behind
Gives the illusion that I'm a
Happy person and nothing bothers me.
But that's not me."

That was like reading me.

Thankyou for such a brilliant read.

~AF~

"To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems!"
Homer Simpson

Linc

Senior Member

since 2001-03-07

Posts 552
The Backstreet Boy

4 posted 2001-03-11 05:21 PM

Hey babe,

Great job

well I don't have much to say right now so cya TTYL

--Linc

"The goal is not allways the the reason something is done the path to get to the goal is more important."

Kandi
Member

since 2000-06-14

Posts 354
North of Hell

5 posted 2001-03-11 06:05 PM

Omigosh...wow, what a powerful poem..thanks for sharing such a personal piece with us. And you knwo that if you need anyone to talk to, this little forum of ours is here for a reason!

Take care ~ Kandi~

~*Won't you come and hold my hand?
This world has taken me as far as it can...
without your smile.~*

~*If I never said I'm sorry, then I'm wrong,

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

6 posted 2001-03-13 10:07 AM

I agree with Dopey when he said your poem shows desperation, but I'm glad to see your reply saying you are seeing a proffesional. Yes, you poem shows so much emotion in them that it just makes everyone worry. In a writing stand point, that should be good i guess

Thanks for the read

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

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