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Ricky
Junior Member

since 2001-02-25

Posts 28
West Virginia, USA

0 posted 2001-03-04 02:42 AM

I love you so much
I want to feel your touch
When we do you always blush
And that makes me blood rush

I don't know what to say
How to tell you, you make me feel this way
Your beauty hits me like a light ray
I wanna be with you everday

So when we are together what can we do
I don't care as long as it's cool with you
Maybe we could just hug for an hour or two
The way we are is the way it is suposed to

Ok, this poem, as all of my other ones, was written off the top of my head. The only difference is. This poem, even though seems sweet and nice, is meant to be the exact opposite. I'm in a relationship that is full of arguements and dishonesty. But I have this image in my head of the perfect relationship. In my whole life I've only had maybe 1 or 2 relationships like this. This is also to show that not all of my writings mean something deep to me.... some don't even relate to me at all because I am a musician and I write a lot for my audience and their experiences.

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

1 posted 2001-03-04 03:24 AM

Tough scheme here. "aaaa bbbb cccc" is difficult to do.
You did an OK job of it, but stanza 1 was a bit messy if the scheme was meant to be this way.

You picked a tough rhyme for it.
Either way, thanks for the share.
And best of luck with the "perfect relationship."

~Allan

Stupidity makes the world go around...and people like us laugh. ~~Elizabeth, to Allan

Isabel Galaxia
Senior Member

since 2000-06-18

Posts 733

2 posted 2001-03-04 11:33 AM

Hey, well really I didn't concentrate on the rhyme scheme or anything, but the message itself. Sounds like a not-quite-so-healthy relationship....good luck with that. Good poem tho..
Bel

Tamma

Senior Member

since 2000-01-17

Posts 794
In His Arms, Harpers Ferry, WV

3 posted 2001-03-04 11:44 AM

Only 1 or 2, huh? I guess I'm not either one of them, huh? I know we had a rough relationship at tymes, and I know we're better as friends, but I can't help but wonder what it would be like if we'd never broken up...I'm sorry, I'm rambling...guess I just miss Justin too much

Oh, yea, thank you for all help with everything this year, I don't know where I'd be without you.

www.angelfire.com/wv2/poetrycorner
I'm just a girl looking at a guy asking him to love me

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2001-03-04 02:29 PM

Nicely done here!!!!
I thought you did well within the art of expression!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

5 posted 2001-03-04 10:44 PM

you did good in expressing your longing for something or someone. keep sharing

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

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