»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #4
»
Losing Control...
| Teen Poetry #4 |
|
Losing Control... |
|
|
niceguy Member
since 2000-11-13
Posts 113Sapello, NM, USA |
Its been quite a while since I've submitted anything here in the forums. I just haven't been in much of a writing mood I guess. I wrote this a couple of days ago after going through a few things. Like I said, it's been a while since I've wrote so this is still in it's draft stage. Tell me what u think. Thanx. Losing Control My world is spinning; The walls closing in. I've arrived at a crossworld; The right way unknown. Reaching out for guidance; Grabbing nothing but air. Stumbling in the darkness; Crashing to the ground. Begining to weep; Tears flow freely. My whole world is spinning; The walls are closing in, I'm losing control. "Don't take love for granted...once it's gone, it hurts." |
||
| © Copyright 2001 John - All Rights Reserved | |||
Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Ohh losing control has got to be the suckiest feeling ever felt....I hate it lots...You did a terrific job of portraying the feeling..Never stop writing... ~Carly "Nature is not only all that is visible to the eye--it also includes the inner pictures of the soul." ~Edvard Munch |
||
|
DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
im with carly..i THINK that's her name..newho im with child of the stars..losing control of yourself is the suckiest thing ever. thats the most important thing to me..always being in control of myself. my world turns upside down when i lose control. but good read, keep it up and btw--we've missed you  *dq ¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤ |
||
|
Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Yeah, I noticed your absence. This poem is so clear, I like it a lot. Nice job, post some more when you write them Please visit my webpage: http://lakewalker.homestead.com/index.html |
||
|
niceguy Member
since 2000-11-13
Posts 113Sapello, NM, USA |
thanx a lot for the replies...and I am glad that you liked it. I think I'll get back to writing and I'll post any new ones I write soon. Thanx again. "Don't take love for granted...once it's gone, it hurts." |
||
|
Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
As long as you get up again and try to gain control and not give up is all that matters. Stay strong and keep your head up "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S. |
||
|
keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
Nice poem, and good to see you back. Do yourself a favor though, try to regain your control as soon as you can. You let life get out of control for too long and it is hard to come back and be the same person you used to be. I'm living this right now. Good luck Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
||
|
Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Nicely done here..........I thought it was a bit of a desperate write. Basically in the sense that you were in this mood of desperation....I liked it.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
||
|
Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Exactly why I hate drugs... I'd better be in control. Sometimes, you just don't know what to do, and it's scary. Nice poem. jenn "I'm a big, big, girl, in a big, big world, it's not a big, big thing if you leave me, but I do feel, that I will miss you much..." Emilia |
||
|
Chel Senior Member
since 2000-07-01
Posts 511Baltimore, MD, USA |
Great piece, since I don't believe that I have read anything else by you before. I have to agree with everyone else, that losing control sucks, but you will get it back sooner or later. Just keep your head up. Keep up the great work. Chel "True friends stab you in the front" "Never say 'I Love You' unless you mean it" |
||
|
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
It worked nicely. Add a rhyme to it. You'd be surprised what it does for the flashiness of the piece.  For this one I'd say abcbdefeghihj or something. Maybe even interlock. The line size and form of the poem makes it seem like it should have this. Just a revision idea. Good job, either way. And yes, her name is Carly. ~Allan Stupidity makes the world go around...and people like us laugh. ~~Elizabeth, to Allan |
||
|
niceguy Member
since 2000-11-13
Posts 113Sapello, NM, USA |
Thanx again for all of your replies...means a lot! And thanx for the rhyme idea...I think that I will try it. Oh, and I have a few poems posted if you want to read them too Chel. Thanx again everyone! "Don't take love for granted...once it's gone, it hurts." |
||
xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
i cant STAND losing control...its one of the worst feelings in the world in my opinion atleast. You expressed this feeling very nicely tho! |
||
|
niceguy Member
since 2000-11-13
Posts 113Sapello, NM, USA |
Thanx again for your replies. Glad that you all liked it. Thanx again. "Don't take love for granted...once it's gone, it hurts." |
||
Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
haven't seen you around here much, but I like this much. It really sort of speaks to me kind of in a way, well, great job. I wish people would stop telling me that I can do anything I want to. I never thought that I couldn't. |
||
|
jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
sorry bout this but the title reflects the poem quite well...very good job on this! JR When my life dims to a perish, it will become a quote in itself... |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
