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Someday
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Someday |
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Jenabou Member
since 2000-06-13
Posts 215Oklahoma/Nova Scotia Canada/USA 
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Someday ill be as happy as you pretend to be ill be as perfect as you make believe she is ill find a guy who is everything you weren't Someday my eyes will be dry and my smile true the painfull memories wont be so painfull ill look back and laugh at my broken heart Someday ill stop wishing you were still mine ill let go of everything we shared you'll realize what you let slip away Someday you'll come crawling back but someday ill be over you and happier without you... Someday you'll be hating it The world is like a mirror; frown at it, and it frowns at you. Smile and it smiles, too Be kind,for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle [This message has been edited by Jenabou (edited 02-26-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Jenna-Nicole Boutilier - All Rights Reserved | |||
DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
i feel inside your poetry today if thats at all possible. great poem..keep posting ¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤ |
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SwEeTdEeLiTe19 New Member
since 2001-02-26
Posts 3ca |
i loved it...one comment i do have though is maybe to make someday be the beggining of every 3lines instead of every 1... i shall be telling this with a sigh somewhere ages and ages hence: two roads diverged in a wood, and i- i took the one less traveled by, and that made |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
I'll ditto what Kristina said about improving the format. I must admit, I didn't read the start of each line, after observing how it was always the same. Kind of made the flow hurt a ~lot.~ The idea is nice, but I'd change this about it. Other than that, great poem. Flow is important in keeping the reader's attention, but the message here was powerful. -Allan Just 'cause we have a legion of undead minions to do our bidding and rule the earth from a pair of thrones built of gold and bone doesn't make us bad |
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Jenabou Member
since 2000-06-13
Posts 215Oklahoma/Nova Scotia Canada/USA |
thanks yall notice i took yer advice  The world is like a mirror; frown at it, and it frowns at you. Smile and it smiles, too Be kind,for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
Yes, one day you'll find the one true person that's gonna make you feel whole. I love your poem. thanks for the share "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Nicely done here. I liked this a lot. Wanting a bit of revenge are we? Well good luck.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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