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Teen Poetry #4
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Tear-stained Rose Petals
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Tear-stained Rose Petals |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA 
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Note: I have NO CLUE where this came from, its certainly not my best, on my paper it just looks like a bunch of chicken scratches, which is odd for me bc normally im neat and organinzed..but blahblahblah..neways here ya go -=Tear-stained Rose Petals=- He loves me, he loves me not Carelessly ripping the petals away With each petal, comes a tear For its one step closer to my fate Surrounded by a pool of petals Memories dripping from the edge Carefully plotted, the death of thee Cautiously I step closer to the ledge These tear-stained rose petals Preserved forever in time They are all I have left But merely a figmant of my mind ~*~*AND ANOTHER NOTE...so i dont get in trouble, im NOT, i REPEAT, NOT talking about suicide..i meant the rose dying and nothing else ryhmes with edge ¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤ [This message has been edited by DancinQueen (edited 02-22-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Kiley - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
it was good. not your best as you say. but definatly worth my reading time. Regina for those who say I'm their friend, u know me not well for if u did u would not stay around anymore to watch me fall away. |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
still liked it even tho u 2 dont say it was ur best... it reminds me of a poem by Marge Tindal from Open Poetry.. /pip/Forum44/HTML/001929.html JR When life dims to a perish, my life will become a quote in itself... |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
Well I thought it was really good. I especially liked the ending. "These tear-stained rose petals Preserved forever in time They are all I have left But merely a figmant of my mind" I thought it was really Nice "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
thanks guys  ¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤ |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
I wouldn't consider this chicken scratches  maybe next time you can teach how to just sit down and write something out of the blue. I'm in a writer's block right now So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I liked the poem cept the word "thee" in it. I didn't feel like it fit the style of the poem considering it wasn't all elizabethan. nice poem though.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Dq, the poem itself is very nice. A nice steady flow with a good meaning behind it. I personally think that if you sat down and really looked at it, it could be created into something with a huge amount of depth. I'm not saying that it hasn't already got the depth part but if you expanded off certain areas in the poem you create a masterpiece. If you do, I would love to see the final result as I enjoyed this one so much. ~AF~ "Love makes us poets and the approach of death should make us philosophers." ~ George Santayana |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Oooh... hehe... your critique message almost seems directed at me.  I actually did like this poem. I believe you are getting a lot better lately. It's good that you don't like it, you know. That means you are actually even better than this poem shows you to be. I would expect no less from Kiley, the Queen of the Underworld!  I didn't mind use of the word "thee." Keep it up, kiddo. -Allan The unintelligent are merely tools for the intelligent. That would make my house a veritable toolshed. ~~Allan Riverwood |
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HiddenSparklez Member
since 2000-12-29
Posts 190British Columbia, Canada |
I think it was good, but from the other stuff I've read of yours, this wasn't ur best. But it was worth reading for sure. Keep writing "You do what you do, you say what you say, you try to be everything to everyone... come on now, do that stupid dance for me" -Everclear |
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sweetstuff101 Member
since 2000-07-27
Posts 375OK, USA |
That was good!! I don't know that it would be ur best, but it certainly doesn't stink!! Keep up the great work, and keep postin! Much Luv, ~*~P*R*I*S*C*I*L*L*A~*~  How come it is so easy for a person to say "I hate you," but it is so difficult for someone to say "I love you" and really mean it???? |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
see.....everyone seems to like it "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S. |
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