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| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Tears of Glass Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 182Physically? VA.... Mentally? I'm not quite sure |
There's a hole in a vital part Of the wall where Crumbling pieces have Started to fall. Up close the seams Have come undone. The stitches are popping One by one. A faded butterfly beats It's fragile wings Against the memories To which it clings. Strangling anguished screams And fears, With laughter covering The butterfly tears. I turn away, And I slam the door. I don't want to be In this place anymore. The roses have shriveled, Too long in the shade And all the other colors, Have started to fade. Two windows are closed, And two gray hands are folded The world is now dark, And will never again be golden. This is definitely not my best... I just wrote this in a few minutes as I'm passing time until I leave school. Please, critique everything. *Jennifer "My nightmare isn't fearing what I dream... It's waking up, knowing what I'll see." |
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| © Copyright 2001 Jennifer M. - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
Actually I thought it was quiet great, sometimes the best is written in a span of a few minuits or when the soul is bored. very intersting thoughts. Regina for those who say I'm their friend, u know me not well for if u did u would not stay around anymore to watch me fall away. |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
DEF one of ur bests.. in my mind, no doubt.. beautiful description JR When life dims to a perish, my life will become a quote in itself... |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
I liked it. I didn't care for it as much as some of your other work , but it was still good. Especially for only having a few minutes, alot better than I could do. Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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Tears of Glass Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 182Physically? VA.... Mentally? I'm not quite sure |
Aww.. thanks you guys! I didn't think this one was that great. Thanks again.. *Jennifer "My nightmare isn't fearing what I dream... It's waking up, knowing what I'll see." |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
I beg to differ Tears I think this poem is marvelous and obviously one of you best thanks for the read So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I thought this poem was pretty damn good within your use of symbolism. Especially the "faded butterflies"......I'm guessing you're trying to display fading beauty or happiness.....nicely done here though. I liked this.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Ceinwyn Member Elite
since 2000-07-09
Posts 2175VA |
I happened to like it  I read it and I was WOW sorry..hehehe it's reflecting something I'm going through now but I'm kewl I'm moving out of this *cough* place..I look forward to reading more maybe I'll get the chance more often if I'm not too lazy to go to the library Kristen "Let me be the one you call, if you jump I'll break your fall, lift you up and fly away with you into the night" ~Crash and Burn~ |
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Starr Member
since 2001-02-08
Posts 100 |
WOW!! Really nice, I like it a lot!! Love the symbolism!! Keep posting Every action of our lives touches some chord that will vibrate in eternity. |
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Neokrew Member
since 2000-12-24
Posts 60VA |
Hey Babe, AND WHAT IS WRONG WITH IT HMMMMM I though it was good even if it was not your best work. --Neo |
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