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Teen Poetry #4
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Requiem of the Abused
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Requiem of the Abused |
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StratMatt Member
since 1999-09-19
Posts 87Macomb, IL, U.S.A. |
This is actually song that I've written, it's a hardcore song with spoken parts and parts to be sung, so any lack of flow or place where a syllable seems short is made up by my singing/speaking... Other than that, it's a new song, and it's not completely done yet, and I'm looking for some criticism or praise on it, so let me have it  A new game opens up in your heart and your mind as you throw me a pitch in the dirt. You watch me intently but already know that I'll swing, all my hopes I'll desert. You hold all the cards And you hold all the pieces I just don't know how I became so defeated. I take your strikes what could I do? I am so powerless against you. I plead innocence yet you won't cease fire. My crime is that of weakness, that of desire Go ahead and strike at me, I can handle the pain. The only thing I'll lose is that which I can't regain. At one time, I was free, I had hopes, I had dreams, now they're scattered and lost in the pain. Now I'm chained and I'm lost, to the side I am tossed, just a target for all your disdain. You can break my heart, you can steal my soul, I'm already so used to not being whole. I take your strikes, where could I run? Without you, my life's over and done. I plead innocence yet you won't cease fire. My crime is that of weakness, that of desire Go ahead and strike at me, I can handle the pain. The only thing I'll lose is that which I can't regain. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Matthew Talken - All Rights Reserved | |||
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LucidityNow Member
since 2001-02-06
Posts 118Canada |
Hey, I play in a hardcore band and I can see how this would fit with certain parts spoken. I really liked this song, great work. and i'm certain that if i drive into those trees, it would make less of a mess, than she's made of me... |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
beautiful lyrics i like it a lot with regards to the melody an MP3 would help  So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Ignore acire, all he ever wants is an mp3...anyway i thought the lyrics were well set......Nicely done here.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Dark Enchantress Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258meet Morgana |
'Tis os much coolness.  I think it has mucho potential. and in the end we still pretend the time we spend not knowing when we're finally free and you could be -NIN "The Wretched" Angel of Darkness |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
I think it's really good, great job on the words! "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
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