»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #4
»
#13
| Teen Poetry #4 |
|
#13 |
|
|
StratMatt Member
since 1999-09-19
Posts 87Macomb, IL, U.S.A. |
Hi, I'm an old member, just came looking for the site, decided I'd do some posts when I found my login still existed, so here's an old poem I was particularly proud of. And I'll have many more posts soon as well  Looking in her eyes makes a captive of my heart Listening to her voice makes me long to have a part of her heart, of her mind, of her soul, of her life. To have her in my arms would end all my strife I would give all I have just for a quick glance from those enslaving brown eyes which give me no chance to escape from their power; they make a prisoner of my soul and taking it empty it soon becomes full. To run my hands through the strands Of her bright golden hair would end all my stress about nothing else would I care Watching her movements makes my heart race with astonishment for her amazing grace My only goal is to be The object of her affection To attain this dream I'd go in any directionL North, South, East, West I'd walk forever for just one kiss I'd do anything, I'd pass any test Just for that kiss, all else I'd dismiss To have a place in her heart I'd give up my place in this life To hold a place in her soul I'd take all the world's strife To have her love I would take All the world's suffering and pain For her love would soothe me I would have nothing to gain And if that time should come That I should win her love I would soar so high I'd be so far above The trees, the streams, the hills, the grass, and The people unaware of how it feels But she would be right there with me Knowing my love for her is real But if the day should come When she should care to leave My life would then soon end Death would be the way I'd grieve But if she should always stay I'd know our love was true But until then, I must find Whether that "she" will be you. |
||
| © Copyright 2001 Matthew Talken - All Rights Reserved | |||
Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
the poem flowed really well just a little too long for my standards the length never diminished the poem's sentiments though, so that's good nice to see you've decided to come back hope you stay longer this time and share more So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S. |
||
|
Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Thought it was quite long.......very nice though.......love.....*sigh*......well it fits the v-day mood.... Nice job here. Welcome back old member!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
||
|
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
This is... great. Simply wonderful. "I'd go in any directionL North, South, East, West I'd walk forever for just one kiss I'd do anything, I'd pass any test" The north, south, east, west part struck me as creative, for some reason. Your style is interesting. I was intimidated by the size of the piece, but it flowed well for me too. Very well done. Need constructive critiques? I would say that you should make the syllable count on lines match more closely. That would definitely help this, but if something isn't broken, don't fix it. This poem isn't broken. -Allan When the sun dies, and the earth is thrown off its axis, the two of us will still, at that moment, be thinking of one another. ~~Allan, to Amanda |
||
|
StratMatt Member
since 1999-09-19
Posts 87Macomb, IL, U.S.A. |
Alright, well, thank you for the criticism, I do enjoy having my work criticised, and although I rarely edit a poem, it is very useful for future reference when I write later poetry. Thanks for the kind words! |
||
|
Tears of Glass Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 182Physically? VA.... Mentally? I'm not quite sure |
Welcome back.. GREAT poem. I loved it, and the flow is excellent. Good work.. and keep em coming. *Jennifer "My nightmare isn't fearing what I dream... It's waking up, knowing what I'll see." |
||
|
Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Well, I don't think I've ever seen you on here before, so hi Good job on this poem, glad to see you came back. Don't worry about the length, it's fine. "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
||
|
Elvenblood Member
since 2001-02-17
Posts 409Maine, USA |
I love your work, I'm putting you on my authors list! fantastic stuff! "Some men see things as they are and say why. I dream things that never were and say why not." ~RFK |
||
|
Elvenblood Member
since 2001-02-17
Posts 409Maine, USA |
I love your work, I'm putting you on my authors list! fantastic stuff! "Some men see things as they are and say why. I dream things that never were and say why not." ~RFK |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
