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jytree
Member

since 2000-01-26

Posts 336
omaha ark usa

0 posted 2001-02-13 10:49 PM

Follow the law within my heart,
Yet only to find that were are fallen apart,
Lost loves and broken dreams,
Never a good sight and never what they seem,

Broken down from a ray of light,
Only prayer was for things to get right,
Endless night I watch and pray,
Even sometimes until the break of day,

Lonely days now have come and gone,
But even the worst nights have there dawn,
Only one thing left to do,
Releve myself of loving you,

Endless pain come to stop,
I guess you can say I fliped my top,
But if loving you is a unforgetable sin,
Then I live in a hell without a end,

Cast myself in the fire,
Prove to myself that I can go higher,
Endless riches that I found,
Yet only to live with a frown.

Lead me not into temptation,
I can find the way there mysel

jeremydraul
Senior Member

since 2000-08-01

Posts 1118
State of Despair

1 posted 2001-02-13 10:58 PM

Id leave it as Untitled because theres too many titles for it.. I loved it, keep posting bro

Jeremy

Life is fading me away, far away, but I’m sketching myself back, line by line, mark by mark.

Starr
Member

since 2001-02-08

Posts 100

2 posted 2001-02-13 11:24 PM

This poem comes from the heart I could feel it when I read it. Keep on writing. Good luck with your others!

LucidityNow
Member

since 2001-02-06

Posts 118
Canada

3 posted 2001-02-14 01:59 AM

"To live Without a Frown"
Thats my best bet.
Great work.

and i'm certain that if i drive into those trees, it would make less of a mess, than she's made of me...

jytree
Member

since 2000-01-26

Posts 336
omaha ark usa

4 posted 2001-02-14 01:30 PM

Thanks everyone I was falling asleep when I was writting this so thanks

Lead me not into temptation,
I can find the way there mysel

Lakewalker
Member Elite

since 2000-08-05

Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people

5 posted 2001-02-14 05:15 PM

I have no ideas for a title but I think it's good

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker
http://www.thehungersite.com

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

6 posted 2001-02-14 05:19 PM

i agree "to live with a frown" is my suggestion too
great job on the poem

So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

Greeneyes617
Member

since 2000-11-22

Posts 329
Arkansas

7 posted 2001-02-14 11:59 PM

Wow Jay. That was really good. Almost made me want to cry. Good job. I know this feeling. I'll talk to you later.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

8 posted 2001-02-15 07:16 PM

Frown to live with
naaaa i'm messin around.

Jytree lemme tell you pal......you have improved like 20 billion times from when I started to innitially read you. It's amazing. You didn't take a step forward, but a grand leap........I'm proud.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

jytree
Member

since 2000-01-26

Posts 336
omaha ark usa

9 posted 2001-02-15 11:56 PM

I try to be modest but thank you

Lead me not into temptation,
I can find the way there mysel

Tears of Glass
Member

since 2000-12-04

Posts 182
Physically? VA.... Mentally? I'm not quite sure

10 posted 2001-02-16 10:23 AM

Awesome poem.. everyone else has said everything I would. I would stick with "To Live with a Frown." Great job.

*Jennifer

"My nightmare isn't fearing what I dream... It's waking up, knowing what I'll see."

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