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Teen Poetry #4
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Artificial Divine (song? i'm not sure... you tell me)
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Artificial Divine (song? i'm not sure... you tell me) |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg 
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(I'm not sure if it would be a song or not... when I read it through it seemed like one for some reason. Help me out here. Thanks.) You're dormant in a test tube in the fluid from my vein nutrition of your infancy wrought by local pain I lift you and i rotate you admire your tiny frame i cherish you and mother you my masterpiece to claim your skin is slowly forming so to keep you in one piece to me you seem so comfy in your jar of liquid fleece the eye begins to open what a lovely shade of grey you shake with violent calm as the world begins to pray diety perfection for the first time breathing mankind needy saliva from her lips is seething divine, so near our earth is but an infant teething no need to fear our god is breathing you're growing oh so quickly are already three feet high a lovely little lump of flesh one tendril, and an eye your love is not your people and your fear is simply dying it breaks my heart to see you kill and watch your eye start crying I clothe you in your garments and unveil you to the world lay worship to humanity her deity is unfurled you are their creation so you shall be their god when you are there, they bow their heads when I am, they applaud diety perfection for the first time breathing mankind needy saliva from her lips is seething bow down, he's here the swords of atheism sheathing no need to fear our god is breathing [This message has been edited by Allan Riverwood (edited 02-08-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved | |||
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eternal_darkone Junior Member
since 2001-02-07
Posts 14 |
hey nice song and thanx for the repies well ill make sure i read your work |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
Woooo.... Very interesting Allan. BTW, what is it about. Nice job my friend, keep it up! "I believe that man will not merely endure: he will prevail. -William Faulkner (Noble Prize Speech.) |
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LucidityNow Member
since 2001-02-06
Posts 118Canada |
This is a very interesting poem. I am perplexed trying to ufigure out what it is about... My best guess is artificial intelligence. Thats what I got out of it anyway. Great writing. and i'm certain that if i drive into those trees, it would make less of a mess, than she's made of me... |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Okay I pictured this little monster thing and got really scared...What exactly does this little god represent? Depression? Hah, he's my god, but I doubt it. An amazing piece. Not sure if it is a song...hmm...lemme ponder.... ~Carly "Insane people are always sure that they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to admit that they are crazy." (Nora Ephron) |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
This was great Allan. i really liked this piece from you.........a song?.....it could be.......a poem....well I don't know.....doesn't matter, what matters is the piece......it's great. Good job on this one. Very nicely written.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
I'm very impressed Allan. I have a feeling I know what this is about but I could be wrong. Feel free to explain in case this answer I have in my head is incorrect. I'd definately call this a poem, not a song. ~AF~ "Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment." Buddha |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
good work AR I too would like to know what this creature symbolizes hope to see your explanation soon I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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princess^sarah Member
since 2001-01-12
Posts 131melbourne |
loved it hunnie your just sooooo great!!! |
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Melster Member
since 2000-12-09
Posts 442Brisbane, Qld, Australia |
Dearest Allan, HEY EVERYONE!!! I am back for a bit... sorry I disappeared... I missed you all!! This was a wonderful peice Allan, I am glad nothing changed while I was gone!! Love Melz!! You can't hurt me anymore than I have hurt myself already... |
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Angel in Flight Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 381 |
Allan, This song/poem Is WONDERFUL!!!! I loved it, althought it deeply saddened me for personal reasons. But I must say this shows your "faith" very well, and I say that not in a bad way what so ever. Wonderful read and this will rest safely within my precious library. Love always me Keep searching, we are here, you only have to find us.~ Amanda |
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Greeneyes617 Member
since 2000-11-22
Posts 329Arkansas |
Wow....I'm at a lost for word. This was very different. Well done.  |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Explanation? It's a take on the whole creationism thing... how it seems that so many believe that the Perfect create the Imperfect... so I did a role-reversal. The imperfect create the perfect. In other words, mankind creates machines. Just something that I believe in my own system of organized theories and ideas that one might call a religion. There's your explanation. Hope it doesn't bother you. ^_^ Thanks for all your replies. -Allan We used to hate people, now we just make fun of them. It's more effective that way. --KMFDM |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
I don't think it's a song, seems like a poem to me. It has some creative ideas in it, good job of writing this one  "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
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