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Child of the Stars

Senior Member

since 2000-09-07

Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

0 posted 2001-02-04 12:51 PM

   Troubled worries hold her in
   aRrogance and screams within
   plAyed the game of scars once more
   droPped her safety on the floor
   scraPe the dirt from soiled thoughts
   every Empty kiss is lost
   insane Dreamer, doesn't wake

   Interfering screams at stake
   eNemies become her friends

   Angry tears don't make amends

   Dusty nails rip weakened ropes
   pReach to her the stranger's gropes
   frEedom found in nightmare lies
   steAlthy passes shock her eyes
   dreaMs do capture frightened mind.

jeremydraul
Senior Member

since 2000-08-01

Posts 1118
State of Despair

1 posted 2001-02-04 12:58 PM

WOW. I dont think I have seen anything this creaive before. That was incredible. The title within the poem itself is pure brilliance. That must have been pretty tough, but I love challenges. Your ideas are so vivid and imaginative. I love this one a lot! Keep coming up with this wonderful poetry!

-Jeremy

"I believe that man will not merely endure: he will prevail. -William Faulkner (Noble Prize Speech.)

Jenabou
Member

since 2000-06-13

Posts 215
Oklahoma/Nova Scotia Canada/USA

2 posted 2001-02-04 12:58 PM

this poem is AWSOME
i reall like it and its a very creative idea!
keep writing ill be looking for more

The world is like a mirror; frown at it, and it frowns at you. Smile and it smiles, too
Be kind,for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle

Morouxshi San
Member

since 2000-10-11

Posts 207
San Juan, Puerto Rico

3 posted 2001-02-04 01:14 PM

wonderful poem carly, i loved it and the adding of the title should have taken forever

i dont have time to do stuff like that as you know, but i sure as hell enjoy it.

keep it up!

San, the wise
San, the dumb
San, the guy...

Caz
Member

since 2000-09-13

Posts 133
Concepción, Chile

4 posted 2001-02-04 01:29 PM

Amazing! I really loved this poem, it's really unbelievable the structure of this poem. It must have taken a lot of work to do, and especially to make such a good poem. I really hope you keep doing this, and keep me coming here ok, and don't forget to smile!
Your friend,
Caz

It's been raining since you left me.

the day i tried to live
Junior Member

since 2001-02-03

Posts 27
the seventh circle

5 posted 2001-02-04 02:40 PM

very interesting format... and not a conventional acrostic either, which adds a more unique form to the poem... the poem itself was a little confusing and obscure, but i'm not one to complain sense none of my own work makes much sense either *heh*... very good job... this is perhaps a format i'll experiment with in the future...

anomaly187
Member

since 2000-06-15

Posts 284
San Francisco,CA,US

6 posted 2001-02-04 06:08 PM

i was wondering when you were
going to post a new one..this is
a great piece and the style kind
of reminds me of a song by trent
reznor..you should post your poems
more often!!they really are wonderful.

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro"

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

7 posted 2001-02-04 06:17 PM

Well hey...
It's obvious that the restriction allowed you to make some very interesting phrases.
Incredibly well done.
-Allan

We used to hate people, now we just make fun of them. It's more effective that way. --KMFDM

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

8 posted 2001-02-04 07:38 PM

Carly Carly Carly
i think my jaw is gonna be on the floor for a while
writings that of perfection
beautiful
BRAVO!!!
you deserve a standing ovation

I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

9 posted 2001-02-04 09:18 PM

Carly, amazing here. I liked the flow and the fact you plugged in the title was nice. Great style here and the theme of the poem was great. Very nice job on this one love.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

IsGona
Senior Member

since 2000-07-14

Posts 723

10 posted 2001-02-04 09:59 PM

Carly, you always amaze me.
Wonderful creativity and vivid thoughts here.
I hope the nightmares go away.

<- hehe this guy's kool

~Jason

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is
research

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

[This message has been edited by IsGona (edited 02-04-2001).]

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

11 posted 2001-04-27 03:40 PM

this need 2 be on page one..

wow..awesome poem..
imma take the time 2 read more poems from the past..i really liked this poem..
great job..ur poetry jus amazes me

...?

death is not the greatest loss in life. the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. -norman cousins

Child of the Stars

Senior Member

since 2000-09-07

Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

12 posted 2001-04-27 03:43 PM

Awwwww thanks Albert!! You be cool!

~Carly

"Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the self-same well from which your laughter rises was often-times filled with your tears." ~Kahil Gibran

Heavens Tears

Senior Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 677

13 posted 2001-04-27 07:04 PM

Very cool idea for the poem. Its like an acrostic, but not. Anyways, you did a great job. Keep it up!

*~*Amanda*~*

My tears roll right down my cheeks, but they all soak into my pillow. I feel kinda sorry for it...

Suga_Baby
Member

since 2000-08-06

Posts 380
Maine, USA

14 posted 2001-04-27 07:39 PM

WOAH! This is SO COOL! I really really like this, it must have been a lot of work! But, it obviously payed off

Keep it up!

"A dream is a wish your heart makes while you are fast asleep."

kaile

Member Ascendant

since 2000-02-06

Posts 5146
singapore

15 posted 2001-04-28 11:59 AM

intenseful read that captured me up to the end...i thought it was pretty original that you adopt such a format too

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

16 posted 2001-04-28 12:03 PM

Absoloutely wonderful Carly. Very Creative and I totally enjoyed it.

Zu

" The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots" -Thomas jefferson

E-mail/Msn: Targetmrzu@hotmail.com

Lakewalker
Member Elite

since 2000-08-05

Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people

17 posted 2001-04-28 12:04 PM

Thanks for bumping this, and great poem Carly!

"Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle" Plato.

Pixie-Babe03
Member

since 2000-08-29

Posts 387
Central Maine

18 posted 2001-04-28 12:34 PM

WOW!! this is sooo incredible. So creative! You are very talented!

-=Love starts with a SMILE, grows with a KISS, and ends with a TEAR=-

vixengrl04
Member

since 2001-04-26

Posts 495
East Haddam, CT

19 posted 2001-04-28 08:38 PM

Hey I like this one alot!! I especially like the format, but even if it did not spell out the title of the poem, it would still be excellent. You are a great writer, and I can't wait to read more. Keep it up.

~*Nikki*~

~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~

LoveBug

Moderator

Member Elite

since 2000-01-08

Posts 4697

20 posted 2001-04-28 10:56 PM

I really really like this one! An acrostic with a twist, and the imagery is just amazing. Some very great writing skills demonstrated here, my friend. Thanks for sharing.

"Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli
Blame Canada!

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

21 posted 2001-04-29 11:43 AM

i'm really glad that albert decided to bring this one back up, it is one of the most amazing poems i've ever read. you are an incredible poet, keep writing beautiful poetry.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

22 posted 2001-05-01 12:21 PM

Wow, Carly! This is beautiful! Lots of old poetry has been pulled back up lately.. Well, I'm really glad this one was. The creativity here is absolutely amazing. My favorite line was "Angry tears don't make amends." Truly beautiful thoughts these are. Never stop posting!

This one's going to my library and back to the first page as well. I think it deserves more replies.
Nicely done!

--Marie

subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart.

Linc

Senior Member

since 2001-03-07

Posts 552
The Backstreet Boy

23 posted 2001-05-01 01:49 PM

Hey,

Carly, this is wonder the style in the first stanza with “trapped” in it and the last with "dream" it's absolutely...there is not a word to express how much I liked it. This poem it going into my library; until your next masterpiece

-- Linc

"Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment."

[This message has been edited by Linc (edited 05-01-2001).]

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